flirting is confusing!

Cleopatra's picture

okay, so i'm really confused if my friend (who also happens to be my crush- uh, more of a platonic crush, actually. for me, platonic crush is 'kind of crush' wherein i really do not get sexually attracted to my crush.haha) is flirting with me or not. i mean, she gets too caring and too sweet (for me).

here's what happened:

last night, my friend(she's not my crush, she's another friend of mine) and i talked about my crush- my friend knows that i have a crush on our friend, and i asked her if my crush is flirting with me. there are times when she would out of the blue tell me i'm pretty, and then she would follow that up with something like "i find my friends beautiful and pretty...". and then there was a time when we went to the cafeteria and i told her to wait for me there because i forgot something in my locker so i had to get it, and then she told me "if only i didnt love you..."(with her wide grin and eyes upward)- i mean, what did that mean?, and then, there were lots of instances when she would hold my hand and then put her arm around me and stuff like that. i mean, if she wasnt the one who does that, it's just okay for me, but it feels different if she's the one who does that. another event, she gave me these tokens (she got it from a competition)and she told me that while she was competing, she thought of me- that she would give what she'll have to me.

i aksed my friend if my crush was/is flirting with me, and she told me that it's possible, but then she told me that my crush is really sweet to her friends and all. but my friend told me that she (my crush) can be flirting with me....

i really dunno what the real deal is. how about you, do you think she's flirting with me or not? any sound advice or comment will do. thanks!

noname's picture

same page

i kind of have the same problem and was actually in forums with intentions of finding others who have this sort of problem. i have the kind of crush you have ["platonic crush"] on one of my best friends who is also a giant sweetheart.

one night we drove down a "scary" road in the very back of our friends car where the seat faces opposite direction and i told her to hold my hand for i was slightly frightened and i can't describe but it wasn't halfassed; it felt comfortable. we stayed like that even when the road wasn't scary. she said "still scared?" and i calmly replied "yup" and when we left and were on the freeway for a bit she said "still scared?" and i said " no, we're done" and we let go. she said "not that i mind..." and i replied "not that i mind either..." do you think that meant anything?

we hug all the time and are rather cuddly with eachother. i made the joke that we should keep a clicker counter to keep count of how many times we hug and our friend said "yeah you guys do hug a lot."

one night i decided to invade the space of her and one of our friends on a love seat couch and she gave me a spot on her lap and rest up against me and then she said "i feel rather lesbonic without the actual attraction." i'm thinking "mmshit" and no one responded to that.

the night after she, i, and one of our friends was watching a movie and i had my legs up on her and was pretty much laying down and she wanted her feet on the couch too, and that sort of made it so she leaned over onto me. a lot of the time she was up on her elbow and i could tell it was uncomfortable and she would lay down against me and she said the same quote as before "i feel rather lesbonic."
once again no one responded to her saying that, and she would stay like that for a minute and i would rest my head against hers, but she would always move, as if she feared invading my space or something.

in addition, she comments on wanting a nice boy sometimes for she's never had one or been kissed. there's really not a whole lot about her that is gay-ish, for lack of a better description. but then again i comment on cute boys as well so i don't know.

so i'm sort of in the same place as you. i think it's also harder if they don't know that you could be having the same feelings for them, you know? no one knows i'm not completely straight [though i'm sure some suspect.] but no way would i tell her i have a small crush, especially since she comes off pretty straight.

i'm sorry this was so long and didn't really answer many questions.

my three wheeler rox's picture

oh goodness..

I hate it when they do that! You never know if they're flirting with you unless you ask. Or when you start flirting with them and they're like WTF?

3 wheels are better than 4!

Do they react that way because of who we are or because of your personality?
"I like to think it's me."

noname's picture

"i like to think it's just me"

"do they do it becayse of who we are or because of your personality?"

i think i know what you mean by this. and i think partly of why my friend is so touchy-feely is because i'm the same way, and we're just comfortable with eachother like that. do you know what i mean?
but i'd also like to think that there's a little more to it than that, like she wants to be touchy-feely because of my personality and not so much just because i match her in being cuddly.

does that make sense?

electricity's picture

didn't know this was going

didn't know this was going to post. repetitive.

andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

oosh. tough situation

I dunno.
She is definately flirting, but as to whether she is really ready to be officially interested is another matter. She MAY just be starved for attention, and she knows she can at least get attention from you.
She hasn't been kissed, she wants to know what it's like, but she sounds like she isn't ready to really pursue a guy (far to frightening).
She can get attention from you without being afraid because you are safe. Since she is straight (I am assuming here, she may not even know), she doesn't have to worry about getting emotionally invested in you.

Then again, she might be Ouestioning.....
She put you in a really akward position at any rate.

Maybe you should casually ask her if she notices how much she has been flirting with you. She might not even realize she is doing it.

I decided to take a peek in the closet.
What a suprise to find myself hiding inside!

noname's picture

i thank you for this

i thank you for this insight. i never really thought that maybe she just sought after the attention. but then it's not like she's attention deprived socially; all of our friends adore her and think she's just adorable and want to hug her brains out. but as far as being affectionate with somebody [physically] i don't think she has much of that besides hugs from friends.

so maybe she likes that i give her that, and maybe she just feels safe and comfortable because she knows she won't be emotionally invested[like you said] even though i wish it was because she felt safe because she was emotionally invested.

anyway i doubt she's interested in kissing me. she's waited 17 years and wouldn't want to kiss a girl if she's straight and/or not emotionally invested.

but maybe she is questioning and is taking me as her test run or something.

thanks again

electricity's picture

oh, shit i didn't know this

oh, shit i didn't know this was going to post. oops.

electricity's picture

good insight

[now that i have an account... a nice reply--]
i never really looked at it the way you presented, so thank you.
perhaps it is just the safety: she wants the attention and knows that it won't go anywhere and will hold her over until she can get physical attention somewhere else. maybe to her it's just friendly.
but then why me especially? i'd like to think it's because she might have more feeling toward me but it might be because i'm touchy-feely as well and we bring that out of eachother...

but i don't think she's interested in kissing me. she's 17 and after waiting all this time she'll probably want to be with someone special and have it be special. and having it with a girl wouldn't qualify if she's straight [which is what i'm presuming for now.]

Midnight's picture

She might

She might not even relieze shes flirting with you. I know there were many times when I would flirt with people and not know it.

To be afraid is to be human.

electricity's picture

she's not really a flirt

she's not really a flirt though. like, at all.
and she's not like that with our other friends. see above comment for more into that...

electricity's picture

another thing

in response to the very first post:

does she know that you like girls? i think that their knowledge of that could change how they react.
for example: if she knows you are gay and is flirting with you then maybe she's trying to tell you something. it still could be the friendliness in her, but chances would be higher that she's into you a bit.

my "platonic" crush [haha love that] does not know that i am interested in girls at all. in fact, no one does. and i'm wondering what would happen if she did know: would she stop being so friendly? would she be acceptant and continue to flirt? or would she flirt because now it's like "clarity!" and she knows that she can go after me?

does that make sense?