HELP ME TO COMFORT THEM

psycho_Cat_929's picture

Here's the story...
I am married to a great Guy and I have been a big sis to his sister since she was 8 years old. I love her to death, like my own sister. I watched her grow up and cry over boys, get her heart broken a million times and then to have her son this last year at the young age of 21. She is a good hearted girl but a bit of a drama queen. Everything has to be about her. And not that there is anything wrong with that but she can't live by herself because she can't be alone. So she has moved out and in with her parents since her son was born. She won't hold down a job and expects to live off of the child support that she gets from baby's daddy. I try really hard to give her good advise and still comfort her parents BUT nothing works...EVER! And now she has just come out that she is gay. I have no problem with that, I will love her no matter what! We have a lot of mutual gay and streight friends and I know that she is in good company... no trashy women hanging around BUT she recently started dating this girl who seems to be hustling her. Her mom and dad are already freaking out about her being gay but on top of that she is not being a responsiable parent! She is leaving her kid with us and her parents so that she can go out partying with this girl, when she can't even afford diapers! HELP!!! Her parents just kicked her out yesterday and she is wanting to go stay with this girl. I want to know that her son will be ok and I don't know that because she won't let us meet or get to know this girl!!! We all want to offer to take the baby but we know that if we do, we will be enableing her. And on the Drama Queen tip... She is always trying to make a splash! She cries and says that no one understands her but how can we? I understand that she is young and wants to explore her feelings for women but I just don't want her to make the same mistakes that she has made with guys. She is a psycho-stalker and can't take no for an answer. Now she wants to push herself and her kid on this new girl. What advise can I give her to help her but not enable her to take advantage of anyone? And how can I comfort our parents? HELP! HELP! HELP!!!

the mouse that roared's picture

Wow

Um, OK. That sounds slightly stressful. A few questions for you: are you sure you're completely over her being gay? It sounds like you might not be--you still think she's "exploring her feelings" and you want to comfort her upset parents. Make sure your shock and maybe regret isn't clouding the situation, because that could be extremely harmful to everyone involved. Whether or not you are over it, there are two main issues here: first, her baby's well being, and second, making sure she's in an OK relationship.

If she seems too irresponsible to take care of the baby, confront her about it. If you are a big sister to her, get her into shape. Her parenthood must come first. If it cannot, the baby needs to go under different care.

As for the relationship, and her wanting to have her girlfriend help out, that sounds fine to me. If you'd like, you could invite her girlfriend over to dinner for your approval. If it seems like she's taking advantage of her, then deal with it, but be sure any prejudices you have don't get in the way. Of course, this is your "sister's" life, and while you should take responsibility for any neglect of her child that you know about, her personal life is her personal life as long as she is not being abused.

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

psycho_Cat_929's picture

Thanks for the reply

I am way cool with her being gay but like I said, she is a drama queen and it's hard to tell if she is or if it's just the "thing" for her to do at the moment for attention. I have NO problem with her having a girlfriend. I strongly believe that you can't help who you fall in love with and I myself have had experiences with men and women so I am very open minded. But just because I had relationships with women, I was not shouting from the roof tops about it. And if I had a baby at the time I would have strongly considered how that would have affected that relationship before I came out and made everything else crazy in my life come under a microscope. Does that make sense? But that is all said and done and I don't want to knock her about it but I want to tell her, "Get your stuff together!" And how do I do that without seeming like I'm downing her "new fling"? I think I will take your advice and invite them all over for dinner or maybe a night out, since that is her thing to do at the moment. I just want to make sure that this chick is not some overpowering ass, as she was described by my friends. I worry about my sis and don't want her to get into a relationship where she is being manipulated because of her inexperience.

Ginger's picture

just invite them over for

just invite them over for dinner.
and just talk about the relationship and everything your concerned about just as if it was any hetero relationship.
you dont seem like you have a problem with her being gay at all,
but pointing it out in conversation alot can sometimes make it feel like you do have a problem with it. does that make sense?
and even if it is something to get attention, which seems to be your only worry about it, is drawing attention to that helping any? if by any slim chance it is, itll pitter out shortly. but if shes completely serious, is it worth it to hurt her feelings when either way it would resolve itself?