How do you Say....

Vindictive's picture

Right, so I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 8 months and I actually think Im in love with her. Only thing is, Im not sure if she feels the same way, and I don't know if I should tell her or not. If I tell her and she doesnt feel the same way, things could go to shit, which would suck, though at the same time, do I want to be with someone I love, who doesnt love me?

patnelsonchilds's picture

Love Seeketh Not Itself to Please...

The thing I would ask yourself before getting into this with her are questions like "Are all my needs being met in our relationship as it stands right now?" and "If her answer is no (she just wants to keep the relationship casual), would I still want to be in the relationship?". If the answer to both of those is yes, if you wouldn't be ready to call it quits if she doesn't reciprocate, and your needs in the relationship are all being met, then I'd say leave it alone for now. While you might be content knowing that you love her more than she loves you, she may not, so the relationship may fall apart because she feels guilty or pressured. On the other hand, if the answer to either or both is no, then I think the time has come for you to sit her down at a time when you're both relaxed (and dressed) and have the talk about moving things to the next level.

The only thing is - you've been dating her for 8 months now. If you truly have no idea what her feelings for you are, are you really sure that either of you is ready to enter into a serious commitment? Usually by the time you get to the Iloveyou point, you already know one another well enough to have a pretty good idea of how that conversation is going to go, though the science of human chemistry is, admittedly, an imperfect one.

Don't rush. Consider these things carefully and also remember the old adage - talk is cheap. Ultimately it is our deeds that are the real proof of love, not our words. Though she may not have said it, she may be showing you she loves you in a hundred different ways. If you're not seeing any of those, then you may already have your answer.

The title of this comment, btw, is from The Clod & The Pebble by William Blake.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"
http://www.patnelsonchilds.com
http://www.samersguild.com

jeff's picture

Eh..

My uninformed opinion is that you already must think the feelings aren't mutual, or else it should be a no-brainer to tell your girlfriend of 8 months that you love her.

However, if you tell her, and she doesn't feel the same way, things don't go to shit, they just finally reflect reality. The only downside would be if you let this go on and on and on and on, and it never changes anyway (which, of course, it won't).

There is never any harm in finding out the truth. Tell her.

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"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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