Ever since I started opening the door to the possibility that I could be gay, I go though these ups and downs.
Sometimes, when my own feelings shock me, I feel so sad. I don't know why. I guess I feel like I'm not the person I thought I was, or that other people think I should be. I don't really know why it makes me sad.
Sometimes I wish it wasn't true, but it is me.
I'm just still sometimes having a hard time acepting that.
I am lucky I have so many supportive friends though. They really have been wonderfull.
I just had a few very nice heart-to-hearts with some great freinds. I kissed my first girl last night and I enjoyed it a lot, but now today, I am a little shocked at how much I did enjoy it. Especially how I enjoyed it so much more than kissing a guy.
I had my life torn apart once just because of a rumor that I was gay.
Now I find out that there was truth behind the rumor, even though I denied it at the time, and I am afraid.
I can't pin down exatly why, but I am.
Thank god for supportive friends!
I hope it gets easier.