I am so emo today

andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

Ever since I started opening the door to the possibility that I could be gay, I go though these ups and downs.
Sometimes, when my own feelings shock me, I feel so sad. I don't know why. I guess I feel like I'm not the person I thought I was, or that other people think I should be. I don't really know why it makes me sad.

Sometimes I wish it wasn't true, but it is me.
I'm just still sometimes having a hard time acepting that.

I am lucky I have so many supportive friends though. They really have been wonderfull.

I just had a few very nice heart-to-hearts with some great freinds. I kissed my first girl last night and I enjoyed it a lot, but now today, I am a little shocked at how much I did enjoy it. Especially how I enjoyed it so much more than kissing a guy.
I had my life torn apart once just because of a rumor that I was gay.
Now I find out that there was truth behind the rumor, even though I denied it at the time, and I am afraid.
I can't pin down exatly why, but I am.

Thank god for supportive friends!
*sigh*
I hope it gets easier.

Comments

ForeverEndedToday's picture

Confusion sucks, but it's

Confusion sucks, but it's good that your friends are so cool. As time goes on it definitely gets easier.

so very close to what you had expected
it makes it hard to keep my head up level
tell me I'm what your hands were made for
tell me I'm who your mouth was made for

andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

They really have been great

Last night, I outed myself to some of the guys that are friends with my roomates, guys that make gay jokes all the time when they really shouldn't.
When he made an idiotic comment, I barely had time to defend myself before both my roommates shot him down at the same time!
"She can be whoever she wants to be! That's who she is! Don't be an idiot!"

:)

I am SO happy they are there for me!
What's even greater is that I am the first GLBT person they have ever really known, and they have come to my defense so quickly.

I decided to take a peek in the closet.
What a suprise to find myself hiding inside!