I didn't die

greenmind's picture

It's been ages since I actually updated this thing, I didn't die. I feel like I've lived under a rock for the past months almost eight. Didn't quite make it a year. A refresher, I'm a lesbian, fifteen and I started high school this year.

My parents divorced a week after school started. My mom's boyfriend was living with us ....two months after they announced their divorce which was three months before it was final. I don't like him at all. Thankfully he doesn't still live with us but they still date.... a lot. He doesn't care I'm gay, he went to pride which makes me sound like a bitch to say I don't like him. He's an asshole. Doesn't pay child support, for the two kids that are still under 18(Demi and Dillion who live in Wisconsin. I've never been to wisconsin. I hear it's cold), he's very sexist, racist and pretty much doesn't like anyone who isn't straight, white, and an athelete like himself. But what really puts the icing on the cake is that he gives off that child rapist vibe, I'm sure most people know what I mean. When I wear a shirt that isn't a t-shirt he tells me to change that "you're showing to much clevage" and he's talking to me. A skirt above my knee is also something he tells me to change. I ignore him, he isn't my father and I hate him.

I don't like school. My teachers either scare me or hate me and it's only the second week of the second semester. I'm not there today because my dad had the flu last week and I told him I felt ill. My gym class thinks I'm dating my best friend. My best friend is pissed at me because everyone is now accusing her of being a lesbian. I didn't do anything to make them think that. I'm sorry if anyone is a cheerleader but at my school, I can't stand them and there are quite a lot of them in my gym class so I choose not to play basketball with them. And when I was dating a chick no one even thought anything of it, now that I'm not they think I'm a lesbian. GREAT TIMING! She's my family, I'm not dating her.

Nobody panic or yell at me I know it's bad for you, but I took up smoking because I am so stressed out. Juggling classes, parents, friends(which I seem to be loosing a lot lately), and trying to get my GPA up. No, not maintain it, but bring it up because colleges don't want scenero number one, a drop out junkie to become a psycologist and get a diploma from them. Scenero number two my GPA is only a 3.34 or something like that when I graduate but I worked my ass off. What will probably happen: I'll end up in a mental hospital for actually having the capacisty to think of all the things I do on a daily basis and won't get my degree because you have to be crazy to be a psycologist, not certifiably.

In my fifteen years of life I've never had the attention span to listen to my family explain my family's uniqueness. Yesterday my cousin was telling me that my great great aunt Janet had a stroke which is why she didn't come visit with my other aunts. I have retained some knowledge in my years to know that Janet isn't actually related to me, she's Jo's lover(Jo being short for Josephine, I had to explain that for 10 minutes to my sister). Jo however, was there and it was nice to see that she wasn't alienated like I was though it's been 60 or so years since she came out. It's not a new thing. On my grandfather's side, he has a sister Connie who is also a lesbian I can never remember her partner's name. I'll see them in June for the reunion. Of course my family doesn't speak of this at all, my cousin thought Janet was related which is gross if you thought about so don't. I didn't explain about the gay thing cause I'm probably babysitting her this summer and might get to have my "friends" over. this is the cousin who's mom "experimented" in college. I think she's bi and hiding it but then again I don't tell just anyone that and you didn't hear it from me.

Wow, I've been up to no good and I probably have a heap of homework. I need food, later.


flugzeug712's picture

You're right wisconsin is

You're right wisconsin is cold. It was -30 with windchill today.

Operator! What's the number for 911?! ~ Dan Castellaneta

83.2%% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

the ghost's picture


its good not to die:)

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

the mouse that roared's picture


Gah, straight best friends who get labeled lesbians. I have solved that by having a male straight best friend. And another best friend (female) with a boyfriend. Yay!

Good to hear from you, though.

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

ThinkGreen's picture

ummm...I sotra took up

ummm...I sorta took up smoking too....

A true friend stabs you in the front.

Grace Hughen's picture

Maybe chewing gum or

Maybe chewing gum or something would be better for you than smoking. It costs less and you don't have to worry about getting sick.
Wow, if my life was as crazy as yours, I would not be able to function. I hope things get better - the things that can eventually get better, that is.

poissonrouges's picture

Yeah I took up smoking

Yeah I took up smoking too... If you can, kick the habit now. What they say about it being harder to quit the longer you smoke? True.

I know there's "black sheep," but what about rainbow ones?

ForeverEndedToday's picture

here's for not dying :-) 99

here's for not dying :-)
99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon

Toph's picture

Some people see smoking as

Some people see smoking as unattractive when looking for a partner, so there's a reason for you to quit besides your health. Sorry, but I just had to say something.

Wow, things sound like they've been tough, but I'm proud of you for holding up. It takes a lot of courage to make such a huge goal, and so much more to follow through with it. Yay for you :D

And about your GPA, don't stress too much, but the motivation of stress sometimes works (at least for me). But know in the end you can't change the final grades of last semester, but you can work harder on the new ones, which I'm glad that you're doing. My freshman year I had a yearly total of about 6 A-'s on my report card, and about 2 more my sophomore year, yet I'm in my senior year with a 3.98 GPA ranked in the top 5% of my class (at least for now until more losers drop out because my class has had the highest dropout rate in the high school's history.) Anyway, good work and I'm so proud of you! :D Many hugs of comfort and congratulations!!!!


~May the spirits guide your every move...to assure you please her in all the right places XD

greenmind's picture

Staying alive is good, it means I'm stronger than this shit

~Thank you for the memories, a keepsake in my heart.

It was nice to see some support, especially when I don't feel that I get enough of that. Being a middle child my parents tend to help my little sister and are trying to get my brother off to college.

My teachers have kind of given up on me, all but one. My english teacher is the only one who seems to care. But whatever, I've survived worse. Last year was worse. So there is some improvement to my life, it's just VERY slow.

I know smoking is bad, which is one of the reasons I did it. To piss my parents off but no, they don't care. I could get wasted every night an the only complaint they would have is that I finished the wine or something. It's just frustrating being treated like an adult, taking care of my sister, doing chores when someone else gets the credit. I just need SOME validation. Just some. I wouldn't care if my sister got the credit for doing ALL the laundry or if I didn't get the credit for the kitchen being clean. But nothing is good enough for my parents. They don't care about my well-being they just care that I live.

So *cheers* to staying alive. Here's to getting Appreciated!