I'm realizing that my English teacher probably thinks I'm the gayest person ever. Because I gave her some of my stuff to read when she asked (what I was submitting for the Scholastic writing competition), and two of the three pieces were about lesbians--one was a coming out monologue, and one was a short story. That, and my speech for our persuasive speech unit is about "gay" as hate, and I asked her if the "human rights speech" she mentioned was from the GLBT equality group... then if I could present my speech the next day XD
Argh. This guy at my school is so annoying! Such a frickin' homophobe! I mean, he might not be, but he uses gay/fag/homo like such a.... argh! Today my bio teacher mentioned 'homozygous' (genetics unit), and everyone started snickering! It's so annoying! It's a prefix, for Christ's sake!!! So I said that, and the idiot guy responded, "Your prefix is 'homo.'" So I kinda said, "brilliant observation." But whatever. He is a jerk. I can't wait for him to make some homophobic comment on DoS so I can kick his ass.
Also, my mom is pretty okay with me being gay, I think, because her sister is too... but she's always on me to "not close any doors." And it might be just since she said that, because I'm extremely, extremely suggestible about a lot of things and really bad about gaging my own emotions and telling if they're real or not, but I've felt a little something about guys. Not specific guys, mind you. No, like, actual people in my school that I find myself crushing on (other than the bizarre invented-crush thing I do when I feel like I should have a crush, or when I'm wondering if I might have a crush, or when I know someone's available........ my mind confuses me a lot. But this happens with girls too, so meh). But I have felt a little something at the pictures of guys on the erotica compilation my friend sends around. (Don't ask... -.-'' ) Not much, and maybe nothing at all, or maybe residual from all the non-guy pics before them, but... yeargh. I tell myself I'm not closing doors, and if I get a major crush on a guy I won't just ignore it, but that gets me wondering if I'll even recognize it, or if I won't realize what it is, or if I'll assume it's nothing, much like a straight person might do in the beginning of a same-sex crush if they were very confident of their sexuality. And so I might be getting a bit hypersensitive to guys... At the same time, I have crushed on girls, but not many (maybe only two real crushes; of those, one was purely physical because she kept fake-groping me, and the other was my best friend). I think I'm a lesbian, and I'd pretty much prefer to be with a girl, but part of me also says that I want to be flat-out gay for either simplicity, or to make a big splash or a statement. Maybe I'm just being an attention whore. Ugh. I'm confused. Comments? Consolation? Advice?