Journal?

maianess's picture

This is my first journal entry--post--on Oasis. Just the fact that there's a journal here makes this site insanely, insanely awesome. So hi everyone. I'm happy to be here.

That out of the way, it's absolutely ridiculous how hard it is for me to stop loving my best friend. She was the first person I really came out to (and I told her I liked her then, and she apparently liked me back). So, she's basically never stopped crushing on me, and it's the same for me. And we had this long phone conversation where we admitted to pretty much being in love with each other. She thinks we'll get together at some point throughout high school (freshman year here, BTW). And I... don't know. One the one hand, she's my best friend, and absolutely amazing, and I would never want to lose her friendship, ever. On the other, I'm totally in love with the girl. And we saw a musical and during a number or two there was some hand-holding, head-on-shoulder-resting... and it would have been just two very huggy friends, except it wasn't, and I know we both had the same thing on our minds. We went back to my house after because she had to wait to be picked up, and physicality just seemed so natural. And we were just lying on my bed, and she had her head on my legs... Her: "what are you thinking about?" Me: "...how weird it would be to have my first kiss in my bedroom." Her: "Great minds think alike."

She's bi, and currently has boyfriend. And as friends we're equals, and completely on the same plane, but when it comes to love, she's so much more confident and experienced, and if we get into a relationship then I'll... I don't know... lose status? Become inferior? She's always had a bit of sway over me because I'm head over heels in love with her, but she's been talking a little bit like it's that way for her too, so maybe I'm not the only one after all. I don't know what I'm trying to say here, anymore, it's just some abstract concept floating around in my brain that you should probably all ignore. But 'tever. Anyway, I'm just....... confused. If things were to end badly, I don't know what would happen; I'd lose my best friend. I don't know if I could sacrifice our friendship. And if she's my first real best friend, my first true love... how much of my life am I giving to her?

A lot of me says that we shouldn't get together, that we should stay friends. But part of me says I'll never have another chance. And another part of me wonders if I'd be able to say no to her. Argh. I am intensely confused. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

Here's hoping no one involved actually reads this! Best,
Maia

Comments

Ward's picture

Welcome.

Hi Maia,
First of all, welcome to Oasis. Second of all, I've kind of been in your position, but my friend didn't like me back. But I've been through it, so I hope I can be of some help. I came out to her, and then told her I liked her. What we lacked was some real communication. I think you and your friend are relying on signals, which can often get confused and misread. If you can sit down and talk to your friend about how you're feeling, maybe you can get past your confusion. It's great that your friend likes you back, but tell her your concerns. And as always, with any new relationship, proceed with caution. Make sure you don't rush into it, because that can ruin any relationship. Again, welcome. And good luck.

Used to be it was a man's world and a woman's place was in the home...
they can kiss that shit goodbye.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Welcome to Oasis, first of all.

As for the girlfriend, stop ruining what might happen by mentally living out every possibility. the most attractive thing you can bring to a relationship is not needing to be with that person.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

whateversexual_llama's picture

Heck, that wouldn't be so

Heck, that wouldn't be so weird. I had my first kiss in my friend's mom's bedroom. xD

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

jeff's picture

umm....

Was it with her mom, though? That could be weird.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

maianess's picture

o.0

...........................

Yes, it would be very weird.

Life is short: make fun of it.