sigh. today was just not my day...i didn't what to wear to school and i had these white capris on and i was like "it'd be a nice day why not wear 'um" but then i was like "what if it rains?/?" so when i was about to change back to what i had on before, i looked at the time and it was 6:40 and the bus usually comes around 6:50 so i was like fuck it i'll wear this...turns out it started raining and once i got to school, it was already dirty. just my luck...school went by ok until when i got home.
my dad and i always have problems with my auntie and stuff, but today i guess she went too far and he snapped...they went at it for like almost a good hour or so. i, or course, stayed in my room until i heard it get quiet and i had to get my laundry out of the dryer...so i went out and got and just when i thought i was free my auntie says "when your done putting that away sit your ass on that chair" fuck fuck fuck so much things went into my mind and it all was correct...blaming me again for not cleaning, which i did and i had a witness (yay me) blah blah blah...also that she's preparing me for the real world...blah blah and that "we" need to be a "family" and i should make an effort to come out of my room and talk to them....and also that she thinks i'm anorexic 'cause she doesn't see me eat.
god i swear i told myself i was never gonna cry in front of her again but she pisses me off so much that i can't help it...the tears just come and i hate it. sigh i hate her...i can't wait until i move out so i don't have to see her ever again. ok imma stop i don't want to get all angry again...i already cut myself which i got in trouble from my friend for doing...i just can't handle living in this house anymore.
ok well i talked to my friends and i got a lil better...thank god for friends and so i was still on aim and my ex D came on and so i wanted to ask her if she wanted to pick up the bill money early instead of the week of when its due, she's gonna let me know when she can. but then she got on the subject of being single and how it's coo and stuff...i was like "okay" and then she goes how she's dating someone..A GUY!! yups guy but she has a crush on a girl that is the same age as me...god...ok i had this little thing in my head that i was gonna ask her if she was happy and if she was then it'd help me move on but if she isn't (this is in my head now lol) then we'd talk and i'll tell her that i still love her and blah blah blah maybe something will happen..
so i asked if she was happy and she's like "yea...for now" god then she told me about the guy and that girl...and how she doesn't see herself with a girl in the future (that broke my heart 'cause idk i remember somethings she said to me when we were together). it's just that i can't get over her...i still love her and it hurts me sooo much. sigh but now since i know all that even though it hurts it'll help in trying to get over her *tear :(