Yeah, it was weird. I've never had a two-day relationship. We started going out and everything just felt wrong. a) because I still can't have an out relationship because I still care to much what homophobes think b)it was way to fast. Good news is she doesn't hate me. Cheers for that. I found a picture of myself when I was 8. I had a mullet. *shivers* Scary.
Anyway I emailed my GLM to Patrick 3 minutes before it was due, after starting tonight. I know stupid decision right? I thought it would be stupid to post it in the forum seeing as how the whole thing is over. So, I'm posting it here.
Oasis Name: ForeverEndedToday
Bio: I’m a 14 year old freshman that is biologically female and attracted to only females, loves to procrastinate, listen to music, and write in a journal so that I can look back on what I felt one day.
*Authors note* This is an actual entry from my journal with minor changes content wise.
Questions for you…
February (I actually spelled it right this time) 20, 2007
Things I want my future self to know when she/he remembers to read her/his teenage bullshit: (She/he better, I don’t write these journal entries just so it can all be a waste.)
•First off, have you figured out the whole gender thing? It’s starting to get annoying for me not knowing whether or not to write him or her. Are you genderqueer, Trans, female, anything? These years of confusion can’t be good for your future self, help me out here. Did you ever bind, by the way? We both know the only reason you don’t pass as a boy is because of your breasts (puberty is a bitch).
•Oh, and I forgot to say not to look back on these entries as stupid. You know you would get mad if an older version of yourself thought that all that was important to you then, was immature and childish (so don’t, okay?).
•I hope you finally got over your trust issues, and forgave your mom for being who she is. It’s obvious that she is trying hard (as much as I am reluctant to admit).
•Dude (do you still say “dude”?), have I found someone else to drool over besides the senior in my Spanish class????? And am I madly in love with her (maybe I am a girl)? Is she beautiful inside and out? Does she care about others? Does she care about me? (NOTE TO SELF: do not read when depressed.) She has to be out there somewhere. I’m sick of my love being wasted on straight girls, and girls that I have no chance with. I want to feel what people talk about when they talk about love.
•Are you letting people take a picture of you? It’s going to suck when you’re 40, have no pictures to compare yourself to, and end up missing your mid-life crisis. Who doesn’t like a two-week period in which everyone forgives you for the acts you committed because you were having a mental breakdown?
•Did your dream come true, did you play college lacrosse? Were you featured in Lacrosse Magazine? It would be really sweet if those things came true. (Practice, practice, practice.)
•Try not to think so much about death. The time will come five minutes before your death, when you’re allowed to think about it. Right now, it’s not that time. The downside of being a 14 year old atheist is I think too much about it. When you turn 30 just promise me you won’t turn Christian because you are afraid of the truth. LIVE LIFE. Don’t think about death, that’s too depressing.
•What’s the deal with gay marriage? Do they actually have equal rights in the U.S. yet?
•Speaking of the U.S. have you finally moved out of here? (You must still love those British accents. Can you say gorgeous?)
•Are you still afraid to show affection to your girlfriends in public? Please say you’re not. The whole “I’m not ready for this”, is getting very old, very fast.
•Does your job help people? If not, QUIT. It’s not worth the work, if it doesn’t help someone. And on a side note, did you end up joining the Peace Corps? You told everyone that you were going to do the full two years. It would be a shame if you ended up chickening out. (I will be shocked if you have one profession that you stick with, no offense.)
•I hope that you haven’t turned preppy. That would be an insult to my emo self. Preps are so uptight, so not you, don’t change like your brother did when he went to college.
•Have you stopped making worst case scenarios, and believing that they will come true? End all that crap that makes you shy, be more outgoing, and don’t think that people won’t like you. Having a best case scenario isn’t all that bad.
•Do you still promise yourself that you will write tomorrow in your diary, but never do? (Yeah, that’s probably what is going to happen with tomorrow’s entry, sorry future self.)