Spider Pony-Tail (GLM poem)

zoe rose's picture

name: zoe
oasis name: zoe rose
age: 15
state: texas
bio: my favorite words are radish and soap. i am incredibly anxiety-ridden, and i write in my free time (which is rare). i have the unfortunate condition where i usually only fall in love with my best friend, who is usually straight. i'm pretty lovely.

"spider dream"

the way i have my hair up today leaves strands loose, reminding me of something i havent thought of before, becoming tendrils of thought that extend from my brain, so much like the delicate legs of a spider or insect, only barely brushing the side of my face, touching my cheek, resting so gently, softly.
almost equivalent to the dream i had last night in the gentle way it positions itself.
where her kiss was so slight and so almost purposeful that her lips only brushed mine, and only for so short a time that i couldnt tell if she meant something by it.
and everything--so delicate.
so barely something that it was everything.
and i woke up and spent my day in ugliness.
and i woke up and remembered the wrong things.--it left a sour taste in my mouth, like i was congested, like my head was too something to be right.

the mouse that roared's picture

You have a lot of good stuff in here.

This poem needs some reworking--its sentences are a bit too long. But it has the potential to become really powerful. You have some good creative ideas in here. Nice start!

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

Ward's picture

I like it.

I like it, but I agree that it needs some reworking. You certainly have a grea start, and I love the line that says, "so barely something that it was everything." Great line.

Used to be it was a man's world and a woman's place was in the home...
they can kiss that shit goodbye.