this girl...

808Chik's picture

*sigh*...i'm supposed to be studying for my chemistry test tomorrow (also need to do workbook homework), finishing my paper for my Teen Homosexuality project (which i guess i have more time to work on since she isn't asking bout it yet...but i need to get it done before she does), looking for a poem by either Walt Whitman or Emily Dickinson to write my poetry analysis on, and last but not least...do more research for my 1940's history project ('cause since i'm the only girl in my group of 5...the guys are gonna be slacking soon).

idk what's wrong but i haven't been having any good days lately...it seems like everything is just getting worse and more things are being pushed on me and i'm seriously gonna crack soon. i've been soooo stressed and tired (lack of sleep 'cause of hw and stuff) that i can barely concentrate in class...i listen and everything, i try to grasp the concept of whatever we're doing...it's just my mind is sooooo compacted with all things going on that...i can't focus.

i wish i had my liscense, so i can go to one of the places that my dad brought me once and just RELAX...it's called Splitting Caves and is the most beautiful place ever. when we went there the first thing i did was sit down and watch the sun set, listen to the waves gently crashing upon the cliffs, and feel the gentle caress of the cool ocean mist... ah i love the ocean and cliffs or anything of the sort...i'm more of an outdoorsy person than an inside kind of person.

even sleep...which used to be the greatest thing to me...is slowly becoming a chore. my body is so worn out i'm just weak from everything...i've lost weight (people have noticed) and i probably will lose more because of my lack of eating plus my stupid eating disorder.

*sigh* maybe i need help....idk...i thought it was because i had my period but i'm still emotional and moody. i sometimes cry (tears just flowing) for no reason at all...well the only reason i'm moody is because stupid guys have been irritating me and i swear i'm gonna do more than kick him next time lol.

blah. i'm just rambling and my eyes are slowly slowly...becoming heavy lol. but imma make it and stay up and do what i have to do. sorry bout this...i haven't talked to anyone bout all this because...i'm mostly the one person who has got everything together, knows whats going on, doesn't crack under pressure, listens and takes care of everyone else, and is always smiling and making the best out of everything...

lately...i've been only doing about 3 out of the 6? things...ah but its all coo. i've been hiding most of my emotions my whole life...this isn't any different from how i used to be...BUT it is, i'm a different person now and its just changing too damn fast...

*sigh* imma stop now because i swear to god idk what the hell i'm talking bout now...my mind is just *blank*...

BTW; the title "this girl" is the title of the song by Nikki Flores.

Comments

Mikki's picture

aaaawwww...Trust me, i know

aaaawwww...Trust me, i know everything there is to know about not getting enough sleep. Eventually you will get through it but try to take a break from all the stuff that you do (i'm also an expert on being to busy). as for the not eating so much, i know how that feels too. Actually right now, i haven't eaten anything but a few crackers for a couple weeks, thats why i don't have enough energy to do much af anything anymore. but then it feels like you don't have enough energy to eat. idk. If those guys get on your nerves too much and you can't ignore them, do whatever you can to get rid of them (just don't kill 'em). The people in your group that you said are prolly gonna slack off most likely they will but you can always tell your teacher that they aren't doing much work. I'm always the smartest one in my groups so they all automatically think that I will do all the work for them (and i usually do cuz i'm a bit of a pushover) but sometimes it gets too much to handle at one time.
Yeah, um...i really don't know what i'm saying anymore. I'm in pain...I can't think. i think its my turn to stop now
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
it's about learning how to dance in the rain"

Toph's picture

Whoa, you need to slow down!

Whoa, you need to slow down! Don't stress yourself out. I know what can help! I have my favorite Emily Dickinson poem!

That I did always love,
I bring thee proof:
That till I loved
I did not love enough.

That I shall love alway,
I offer thee
That love is life,
And life hath immortality.

This, dost though doubt, sweet?
Then have I
Nothing to show
But Calvary

The first two stanzas are my favorite. It took me awhile to figure out what the poem meant, but I really like it. Oh, I've heard rumors that Dickenson may have been in love with her brother's wife, but it's just what I've read from a lesbian art site.

~May the spirits guide your every move...to assure you please her in all the right places XD