Valentine's Day depresses me

utter_insanity's picture

I think that Valentine's Day is a way to make single people feel left out. All around me at school there are couples, and tomorrow they're all going to be giving each other valentines and being sweet to each other. I am completely jealous. I have no girlfriend, but these people who are in a relationship seem so...happy. It's as though I'm missing out on something important.

I'm still infatuated with my straight crush. It's insane. I keep on trying to stop staring at her whenever she's around, and I try to ignore the fluttery feelings I get whenever she talks to me, but it's NOT WORKING. Why is it that loads of other people have boyfriends and girlfriends, but I can't even get over my stupid little crush? That's really, really sad.

There were these boys at my lunch table today who kept on singing the song "My Girl". I made up some lines that go to the tune of the chorus while this was going on:

I guess you'd say
Why am I alone on Valentine's Day?
I'm gay
I'm gay
It's all because I'm gay
I'm gay

I don't think most straight people realize how hard it is for gay people to find someone to go out with. I mean, honestly, how can you tell if someone you'd like to date is gay, bisexual, or at least LGBT friendly? At least when you're straight, you can ask someone out without fear of whether they're homophobic or not.

Tomorrow's the most celebrated romantic holiday of the year, and I have no one to spend it with...no romantic interest, that is. Well, I do have a romantic interest to spend it with, but she's a "friend-who-doesn't-know-I'm-crushing-on-her" romantic interest, and the whole "just friends" thing kind of spoils the Valentine's Day theme.

I know that I can spend tomorrow with my friends and family; I'm just feeling depressed over this whole "no girlfriend" thing. Hopefully, the feeling will pass. (It might be worse come tomorrow, though.)

Meanwhile, I auditioned for a play yesterday. It's called Merlin and the Cave of Dreams, and it's about how King Arthur discovered his destiny as king of Camelot. I auditioned for the main role, Arthur, who is a teenager in the play. :) I know he's a boy, but I've acted a lot before, and I don't mind playing a guy. Besides, come on. It's acting. You're supposed to pretend to be something you're not. I also love androgyny, so that's an added bonus.

Everybody at the auditions who wanted to be a character that swordfights had to do some exercises before we began reading scripts. (For those who know theatre jargon, we did cold readings at the audtions.) I was the only girl who did the exercises. The rest of the people were guys ranging in age from their teens to late sixties, I'm guessing. Heh. I feel special. :)

I think I did pretty well at the auditions. I won't find out until next week whether I got the part or not, though. I sure hope I do, though... It'll be my first real play ever. I've been in plays before, but they've always been theatre classes where kids perform a play for their parents at the end of the session. I want this role badly. For all I know, this could be a big break! :D

By the way, congratulate me: my birthday's on Friday! Yay! I'll finally be thirteen! I L-O-V-E birthdays--presents are always fun! The only bad thing about my birthday is that it's on a school day. I would have really liked to be able to stay home on my birthday.

Oh, well. At least I still get presents! :D

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

I'm not dating anyone right now, but I'm going to see Jersey Boys and have a nice dinner on Valentine's Day. Who else is going? No one.

If you're alone on Valentine's Day, practice the most important thing there is in life, loving yourself. If people make you feel bad about being gay, what makes you feel good about it?

I think not learning to love and accept everything about yourself is the biggest impediment to finding love from someone else. You set the tone for everyone else. If you don't love yourself, you send a message that you aren't something that attracts love.

I did that for WAY too many years in my life. Not anymore.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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cynical1inthecorner's picture

I don't think you should get

I don't think you should get too hung up over Valentine's Day. Honestly, it's just a holiday that the card companies came up with to sell more chocolate, cards, etc. While I appreciate the whole "celebrate the love thing" I think people get a bit too obsessed with the pink hearts. But that's just me.

Eh-hem. Enough of my V-Day rant. Keep your chin up, and have fun with your friends / laughing at all those ridiculous, gooey-eyed couples! (Trust me, every school has 'em.)

And good luck with the play!

maianess's picture

Argh, too true. Stupid

Argh, too true. Stupid society... *grumble* but luck on the play!

Life is short: make fun of it.

808Chik's picture

hey hey...join the

hey hey...join the club...i'm single too and not gonna have a valentine tomorrow either lol...but hey it's just another day, where in my school, a lot of people HOOK UP && BREAK UP which is so saad :(. but not my problem lol...if theres any other single friends of yours, go out and see a movie or something, that's what i'm doing lol. OR you can ask your straight crush and can do the whole 'just friends' thing and get to know her better...you don't know...like they say "ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN" ;)

"i am who i am, so don't judge me for being myself"