WARNING: this post is a major rant

lookin to the future...'s picture

So this week hs been well, interesting to say the least....

On Tuesday, my best friend (we like each other-- but she comes from super duper conservative family so she wants to really make sure of her sexuality before she gets into anything with me....) anyways, she brings up something about a friend of a friend who is transgendered.... she didn't really understand the whole thing so i tried to explain.... she basically said "that's disgusting.... god made you one way... you should stick to it".... and of course i wasn't toohappy with that... i tried to help her to understand but she left the room.... i was furious

later we ended up talking about the whole situation and us in general... i basically just said that if she wanted to be "just my friend" we needed to spend less time together because i felt like she was sending me mixed signals... she took this as a rejection.... oops! after i re-explained myself, we ended on good terms but.... both of us were in tears.... oh man

you guys, she is soooo damn gay... this is the first thing she tells me yesterday morning... dude, i'm getting a 3 inch lift on the jeep and new tires... it's going to be insane!! what kind of straight girl gets excited about putting a lift on their Jeep? i don't usually stereotype but oh man... she is so stereotypical... she kills me! i really wish her family was more acecpting...

tonight was a real bummer.... my mom, her partner and i got into a big fight... my mom has some pretty serious emotional issues (i'm pretty sure she's both manic depressive and bi-polar but not quite sure... the scary thing is that she is a therapist herself... yikes!) anyway, she ended up taking the car keys away and telling me that i had to stay at home tonight... i was thinking "that's fine"... anyways she then started in on how rude i am (true... i am the most sarcastic person you will ever meet but also extremely compassionate and caring....) she was talking about how much of a bitch i am... blah blah blah... and then managed to equate how teasing my sister about a boy she was calling was on the same level as my best friends mom telling me i was going to hell for "this dirty
sin"..... then of course i flipped out... and she threw herself at me (i'm 5'8, 150 but still much smaller around then my mom...) she starts hitting me and then tries to claim that i hit her... oh man.... these kind of times are when i realize just how emotionally and mentally sick my mom is.... i feel so bad for her...

even though i have grown up in a family that is much more supportive of me than most families would be, i feel like my mom attempts to suppress my sexuality... always telling me to keep quiet in public, to carry my purse (i fucking hate purses), to "stop wearing those damn polos" yadda yadda yadda.....

i just keeping telling myself only 7 months til pre-season for college soccer... thank god... i don't know if i could do this much longer..