What the hell is wrong with me?

ReinbowGrl's picture

My GSA got approved by the school district yesterday. And I don't even care. I have fought for this for 3 years. Three years of my life have gone into this club. And now...I don't give a damn. I used to do this for us, the gay kids at my school, who claimed to need Oasis so badly. I have no reason to care anymore. I have paved the path for the future generations, but I have no wish to do anything farther. This was my baby, I was passionate and crazy about this GSA. And now...it's as if it means nothing. My gf and I got back together. I don't care. Yes, yes, clinical depression, I know. Been there, done that, seen the shrink. I'm getting back into therapy in about a week. But unless I can completely leave behind the things that are driving me into this hole, I won't be ok. I cut yesterday. For the first time in months and months. I am tired of being fucked with and I am tired of being the kid without a clue. I am stressing about college and even being able to get in. And that terrifies me. I need out of that bastards home no matter the costs. I hate everybody right now.


andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

know the feeling

I know what you are going through.

I had very little freedom before I came to college.
I don't want to say "just cheer up" because that is lame advise.

Some of the happiest days of my life, I was living in a hellish situation, and some of the worst days were so stupid because I really already had everything I needed to be happy. Once you decide to enjoy any small joy that you can find, you can use it to block out the horrible things in life.

Find a happy place.
Try a new hobby.
Play loud music.

Anything to shake whatever is dragging you down off.
Hang in there.

(There is a little saying I love; I don't suffer from madness, I enjoy every minute of it!).