Whole second wave of confusion...

Sovietkitsch's picture

I have been sure that I'm bisexual for over 2 years now, and I just assumed thats how I was going to stay. But about a week ago, my friend (who appears to know me better than I know myself) said he thought that I was a lesbian. I think he sorta planted a seed there, cos now I'm starting to think maybe he's right.
And I thought I was done with all the questioning my sexuality thing!
It wasn't very smart of him really, seeing as he's been trying to get me to go out with him for ages and now hes making me doubt that I even like guys!

Anyway, I was wondering If anyone else has had similar experiences?

I always thought that I was the only one that could tell my own sexuality but I guess not! This has just confused me!

808Chik's picture

it's normal...i've been in

it's normal...i've been in the same situation you are in. i've told myself for so long that i'm probably gonna be bisexual my whole life...but then the same thing happened to me and i realized that it was a whole denial thing 'cause i wasn't ready to call myself a lesbian yet. but now i'm happy to call myself a lesbian...it's just some people have to get used to that idea. and yes...its really weird how others can know more about us than we know ourselves.

"i am who i am, so don't judge me for being myself"

andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

sounds familiar

Same sort of thing here too.
I had always assumed I was straight (but every time I said I was straight a voice in my head swore in opposition) and then a friend of mine who I really trust began to question me.
Not in a way of trying to make me something I am not, but in enough of a way that it did plant that seed of possibility.
Once I got over the initial shock when I realized he was right, I felt so much better about myself! I had been fighting this for a long time. I feel more like myself than I ever have.
Instead of fighting what I was afraid of, I am aware of myself, and I am proud.

Imstillhere's picture

This problem keeps occurring

This problem keeps occurring in me too. Up until about 3 years ago I was so sure I was straighter than a board, and then i fell in love with my best friend so I decided well I'm bi. Then I looked around and tried for about a year to picture myself with a guy and was totally disgusted. So that leads to today where I call myself a lesbian but now im starting to like , really really like, one of my friends from like 5th grade which is weird because i havent talked to him since hitting puberty. I do not think though that bisexual is just not wanting to call yourself lesbian, sometimes it is, but other times you really are bisexual.

Imstillhere's picture

This problem keeps occurring

This problem keeps occurring in me too. Up until about 3 years ago I was so sure I was straighter than a board, and then i fell in love with my best friend so I decided well I'm bi. Then I looked around and tried for about a year to picture myself with a guy and was totally disgusted. So that leads to today where I call myself a lesbian but now im starting to like , really really like, one of my friends from like 5th grade which is weird because i havent talked to him since hitting puberty. I do not think though that bisexual is just not wanting to call yourself lesbian, sometimes it is, but other times you really are bisexual.

Toph's picture

I've noticed that my

I've noticed that my sexuality seems to keep wavering throughout the years. I grew up and I really was into boys, but i believe that was because it was just on the emotional level. But when I hit puberty I hesitated. I was "yeah, boys are cute, but as long as they keep their penis away from me" sort of deal. Then I discovered the female. It was great. I have an emotional and sexual desire for girls. But I noticed that my sexuality fluctuates. That sometimes I have a very strong liking of girls, but then sometimes I do get a small emotional crush on a boy occasionally (but I know to stay away). I just let my heart decide. But I do have a strong preference for girls. If I do date a boy, I'll be surprised but not shocked. If that makes sense.

~May the spirits guide your every move...to assure you please her in all the right places XD

Sovietkitsch's picture

See, thats how I thought I

See, thats how I thought I was. I always described it as a sorta bi-polar form of bisexuality. But now I've actually thought about it, I havn't been looking for a guy for quite a while now, and the thought of doing anything with a guy sorta freaks me out! And whenever I picture myself living with anyone, Its always a woman. I just find that so strange that I only realised that when a friend told me "I dispute your claim to bisexuality".
I laughed at that so much, untill I realised he might be right!

Treacle's picture

No pressure.

You really don't have to label yourself. As Shane from the L Word so beautifully put it, "sexuality is fluid." Instead of going around thinking you're a girl loving another girl or a girl loving a boy, how about thinking you're just a person loving another person?

-Ruby-'s picture

I agree

You don't need to say
"I'm bisexual/heterosexual/homosexual"...
just say "I'm sexual".
:o)

Kimmie's picture

I agree with Shane from the

I agree with Shane from the L word. We are all just people loving people. Why, please tell me why does it have to be man/woman, straight/gay, and why if I am bisexual does that mean I am just confused?

Kimmie

bolshevikchick's picture

I know the feeling.

I've been fluxuating as well. I have recently (and finally) accepted the fact that I am at least bisexual. Accepting this fact has made me look at a boy and be rather grossed out to have sex with them. Maybe one day I'll be attracted to boys again, but right now I am solely interested in girls. *shrug*
As someone said above me, to quote the lovely Shane from the L Word, "sexuality is fluid, you just have to go with the flow" it's true. Society says we have to be under a certain label, but it shouldn't matter. As long as you are happy with whoever you choose to be with is what really matters.

andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

It's nice to have labels sometimes

They do come in handy. People who do not consider the possibility of going both ways get weirded out when they can't pin you down.
A name gives them something they can understand how to behave around.

I decided to take a peek in the closet.
What a suprise to find myself hiding inside!

milk-tea's picture

same situation here. i do,

same situation here.
i do, but then i dont want to fuck boys.
ive always loved girls, everything about them.
but i cant decide if boys are in the equation....and its so confusing!

"society is crumbling faster than an Oreo cookie being run over by a turqouise freight train."

QuakerOats's picture

Yeah, being bi can be

Yeah, being bi can be frustrating sometimes, because you can always be like, wait, have I been attracted to more girls/boys/whatever lately that I might actually be gay/straight....? I did that for a long time and honestly it kind of sucked. But it helped to just relax about the label and go with the flow, who I loved and all that. And like a year later after I had given up worrying about it and gotten pretty comfortable, I realized I'm attracted to genderqueer people most often. Questioning, however, is an uncomfortable place, I'm not a big fan of it, but it'll work out, I promise.

wilma wonka's picture

why label yourself

Why do you think you have to be bi or lesbian? What's wrong with just being you? I have struggled with not labeling myself but once you get used to it it's a lot easier because you don't feel preasured to fit in with a certain stereotype. I identify as gay even though I'm a girl because it helped me to acknowledge the fact that i'm not straight but not make me think that i can't be attracted to boys.

Adam A's picture

meow

can't say i do there darling, but good luck to ya with that whole thing. maybe you should just let it happen? you know, come what may type thing? if you meet a boy you like...go for it, if you meet a girl you like....go for it.....if you meet a sheep you like....go for it
toodles!

kiiwii's picture

What do you do if you think your friend may be in denial

Hi,

I don't know if I am asking this for me or for my friend. I have friend, who our relationship has been really rocky. I am hetrosexual and she is as straight and arrow as the come, in fact if she was gay, I think it would freak her out. She is conservative and will do anything to blend and not stand out. But it seems that as soon as I do something with somebody else she freak and when she freaks she ends up "breaking up" with me. Meaning she gets mad, ends the relationship, will not talk to me, call me, will not take my calls or emails... tells me that I am not a good friend... We volunteer for the same organization and then we end up working together on a project again. She slowly inches her way back in, becomes my friend again, then the same things happens. It has been 15 years of this. When we go to our conferences, she considers it "her time" and if I invite a friend or relative, she again is mad at me and after the event, she punishes me. Friends have said that she acts or sounds like a jealous girlfriend. and all the time I feel like I am dealing with a jealous mate... Friends and other acquainces have asked if she was in love with me by some of the things that she says. I am not saying that if you are lesbian that you are obsessive. But I can only think of this kind of behavior when you are seriously in love with somebody who is not giving you want you want. Otherwise, I have friends I don't see in weeks, months or years and when we hook up we have a great time and it was nice to see each other. But never one that "breaks" all contact when she is angry at me... Usually for something that is not even worth the anger. IE: I was planning a New Years Eve party, she asked if I would go to a movie with her, I told her I had to do the shopping with the girl I was planning with and she did not show up at the party and would not speak to me for 2 weeks... She did not have the same response for the other girl that also could not attend the movie. It just seems to be with me. For everytime we have "broken up" it was because she did not feel I was giving her enough attention, or that others were coming before her. I usually get a nasty email, how bad of a friend I am... then the last line is don't email/contact me anymore.... Does this make sense to anybody.