Well this is about the crap day I've been having. I haven't actually had a bad day for a few weeks. I mean, I have times when I'm low but for the past weeks I can be postive, optimistic and confident and ride it through without feeling extremely messed up. But today.. it's just total whoreyness. According to Lou I guess it's just one of the bad times we get once in a while (I would think I'm getting my period if I was a girl, but no).. It's not really anyone's fault except mine it's just that I've been sooooo tired staying up late the day before because of the work load we're getting so I feel really fucked up. I can't focus in class, I didn't get the ideal mark I wanted for tests, and I can't keep my attention on people. It's also really hard to talk to people without having the need for them to repeat every sentence. Grrr. The whole day made me feel really depressed, like I've been semi-ignoring the people I know and not really being myself. Oh well, and my coffee ran out I need to buy more. Hmm, can caffeine be part a person like it governs someone's personality if they take it so much that it can possibly begin to define their actions and attitude?
There's a lot more things on my mind, but I just don't have time. Just one thing that I thought about which I want to put down though. It's just how subjective facts are, and how concepts arise from words and without certain words in the world certain subjective understandings of specific concepts wouldn't exist. It's really interesting I think. Maybe sometimes when I can't put things into words that's an "emptiness" which the thought/idea/concept/feeling has not been applied to a word. Oh well, it's probably far more simple (or complex) than that. Whatever. I need to go sleep now it's really late again... I came home this afternoon and slept until 8pm. Then I just had enough time to do my homework after dinner until now.
And yeah... I'm going to be honest. I THOUGHT about cutting today, like I sometimes do. But I did not act on it. I just need to get some rest, eat some chocolate and when I wake up tomorrow the world will be a better place. Jeez. Ok far out far out I need to go now, everytime I go depressed thoughts keep coming into my head and I have to write them down. If you see my actual paper diary you'll see how full it is. Oh, and Raro the Taro didn't come to school today she felt really fucked up too. Everyone feels tired and fucked up today. And yeah I'm going to her party this weekend (still have to ask my caregiver for permission) and maybe go sing karaoke too (which means wooo! A lot of catch up and homework to do before and after the weekend!). Grr stupid school chapel this Sunday... waste of time. OK I'm forcing myself to go now even though millions of thoughts are still in my mind but if I write them all I'll be here till tomorrow morning. K nites oasis.