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Andrewgirl3's picture

I met Zoe when our GSA went to CSG for a field trip. We exchanged emails--i thought for sharing information, and went on our first date in a week. I barely got to the coffeshop where we were supposed to meet because of an odd variety of factors including robex, band, my friend jon, and mosaics. I was nervous as hell, never having been on any kind of date before, and i talked to fast, and spilled ice on the table. It went well, all factors taking into account. We seemed to have hit it off, and we met on sunday too and had a great time. We held hands, and Zoe wanted to kiss me, and told me so. Zoe came over to my house this wednesday. The plan was to head off into the woods and eat chocolate. We traversed suburbia until we encountered my hogepodge fort. We talked and sat, awkwardly. We were sitting very close, and i was literally shaking--and i don't know why. I kept trying to relax, but i almost hyperventillating. While i was busy trying to breathe, Zoe went in and kissed me. We made out. I was watching her eyelids and downy hair, only to learn that one doesn't make out with their eyes open. In the time that followed, i thought about my english paper, and my favorite computer game. all i remember is thinking, and digging my leaf-covered shoes into the ground. I didn't feel anything. I like Zoe. I liked sitting and talking to her, and i think she's beautiful, in a different kind of way. She was so happy and so considerate of how i might feel that i didn't say anything, didn't stop, but felt like a robot going through the motions. It's been bothering me since. What should i tell her? Why does the quintessential teenage milestone leave me cold and indifferent? Am I crazy-do I only like her as a friend. is she going to fast for me? I don't know, it feels like something is wrong