Last night, I got home and just felt immensely disappointed.
It was realization that I was behind the line that she was chalking up that said "I AM STRAIGHT, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS."
She is one of my best friends, and is probably oblivious to the fact I take interest in her. We hug a lot, and we say "I love you" a lot [all of us in the group of BFs do, really] and at times she can be pretty cuddly. Plus, I think we're more touchy with eachother than others. And that could be because we bring that out of eachother, in that we're both touchy-feely, or--wishful thinking on my part-- we have some sort of mutual attraction.
I would go into all the signs that I could read into, but it would take too much space. However I'm sure some future journal entry will hold the list.
Last night: I would not say she was distant, because of course we acted as friends and we were friendly per usual, but I suppose the level of "clingy-ness" was down a few notches; it wasn't made a point to be near eachother in walking, standing, sitting, touching. It was not an offense or a cold shoulder, but it was a flag that read "no interest."
We were with quite a few people, and perhaps that altered the comfort level.
It was funny though, we were at a show and I was sitting on her lap and I guess my hair was getting in her face so she brushed it back behind my ear [butterflies awoke in my stomach] and I laughed and said "that would have had to look romantic to any onlookers" and she replied "well I don't really care what others think... do you?" and i said "no, not at all, actually." And there was something completely soothing about her doing/saying that.
I woke up this morning and remembered that the night had held no clues to her liking me, and a short wave of disappoint once again hit me. Then my phone starts ringing and it's her. [Oh my, was it a sign?]
She casually asked me what CD I had and what she should get and then we ended up talking for about a half hour, and she called me back not long after and added another ten minutes onto our conversation.
I would go into what our conversation entailed, but it's fairly inane and only has small hints in it that could probably barely lead to any more hints, if anything.
So I'll spare you.