Fuck I am just so tired of this

Uncertain's picture

I want to be a fucking selfish asshole so I can feel better. Right now I'm on the verge of going crazy. I have two externals this week, with a debate I volunteered for on Tuesday. Yet I'm still volunteering to organise gifts for the brain bee coach, having to spend my whole afternoon in the city looking for a decent gift, having to make the decision when people scream mixed ideas at me. While not only wasting my entire afternoon, I had to spend extra money because the gift went over the agreed price and I happened to be the one buying it. Oh I'm just way too nice. I take all the blame, I do all the hard work. Then today I'm so fucking stressed, I just finished most of my do-able homework and revising my science and history research assignment and exams when all these people start asking me fucking questions and I just can't ignore them. People call me asking for homework help complaining how much fucking work they have when they're in fact wasting time on the same with me. No, they don't have the same amount of fucking shit I have to do. They only have a mere jap translation which I did in half an hour yet I spent 2 hours going through it with them. What a fucking retard I am. And now I'm stuck with all this fucking shit on my back and I just want to fucking die and hope I can fucking get a break. It's supposed to be the weekend I haven't had a break yet. Tomorrow I'll be carrying to the gift everywhere, running around getting the people to sign the card at morning tea, then taking it to teacher at lunchtime and then going to a fucking debating meeting that has been going on for 3 weeks lunchtime without stop. I haven't had a break since forever I realy need one I'm having like a mental breakdown I want to smash something I just want to fucking free myself from this load of shit.

Comments

Morgan's picture

Learn to say NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

It took me 40 odd years to do that, but I'm doing it now. "My life is my problem, your life is yours. Let's keep it that way, huh?"

And I have a ton of discretionary time (statistically, though it's still never enough.), and a lot more discretionary income to spend on myself, for not wasting it on superfluous contacts. Be selfsih. Go for it. You're alive for yourself and your own evolution. You don't owe anybody anything.