Gay promiscuity

Campfire's picture

I became a member of today for no particular reason other than I was bored, and premium membership is free at the moment. And I've been a member of Gaydar for quite awhile. Flicking through the pages it got me thinking about the problem of promiscuity in the gay community, as it's one of the criticisms the right-wingers like to put out there.

The so-called community seems to be at odds with itself... On the one hand we seem to deny the fact that casual fucking is acceptable or practiced by the vast majority of gay people. Oh yes, we all love each other and we have happy relationships and we all want to get married to our soul mates. Pft. From my experience I would say the Elton John / David Furnish type relationship is much rarer than the slags out there. I might be gay and generally left wing, but whilst I don't judge others on their sexual practices, I can't help but sympathise with the criticism that there is too much sluttery in the gay community. The internet has infact highlighted this. Filling out a profile on a straight dating website asks your hobbies and interests. On a gay dating website, you end up specifying your dick size, whether you're a top or bottom, and how you like to be fucked. Oh, and your hobbies and interests too. I feel more obligated to explain my fetishes than I do to specify my name.

And then you go on to the profiles. Gay couples looking for group sex. 1-on-1 sex wanted now. Hot and horny up for a fuck. Blowjob Bill needing to get wet. Until I specified in my profile for people over 30 to not message me, I had almost daily messages being received by the over 40s wanting to meet up for a fuck.

And are these people actually gay? In trying to disassociate myself with these nymphomaniacs I've started to question whether a man sleeping with a man is actually what it means to be 'gay'. They seem incapable of a loving relationship, or if they have a boyfriend they want an open relationship or a threesome. Is that what it means to be gay? Sometimes I feel like an outcast of a bunch of outcasts!

So, does being gay mean you are a slut, or is it simply a natural result of widespread sexual oppression. I mean we can't behave normally, you hold hands in the street and you get looked at like you have two heads. So is it any wonder people don't feel like getting into a relationship but naturally have sexual urges, and these manifest themselves in cruising areas and online brothels. Just seems a bit too easy to blame it on society. I'm in the same boat as most other gays in the western world and I don't behave like that. That's not to say I'm a prude, or celibate, believe me. I just wish the young studs would stop all fucking each others best friends and having so-called "open relationships", and the old men would stop preying on people half their age. These actions have a more widespread negative effect on the rest of us.

Who am I kidding. Anyone up for a fuck? ;)


Damon's picture

You're right

I think you are right, it is easy to blame society however there is a long multigenerational line of gay sexual oppression and I wonder if it all isn't just a natural evolution of behavior.
Fact is, there are just as many online sites for married men and women seeking sluttery on the web as there are gay guys. Maybe it is just a lax society that we live in.
I'd like to think that if gay people were given the same basic rights as straight people we would actually be the more conscientious of the two groups.
Gaydar works to a point but it would be much harder for me to pick you out of a crown in a restaurant and even more difficult to make a move on you in a straight environment. That is part of the reason for the gay bars, websites and other venues that gay people seem to have to resort to in finding a good mate.
Good observance though, it made me think about it.

raining men's picture

Too true

There is a definiye reason for gays sluttish reputation. Cottaging is our invention, not straight people's.
I do think there is something about whatever makes us gay is more likely to make us sluttish as well. i have no idea what that reason is, but there will be something apart from the repression. Dutch gays are sluttish as well.
But yeah I'd love a fuck

"Sexual intercourse began in nineteen sixty-three (which was rather too late for me)"

Duncan's picture

Behind you 100% but I have a comment...

Um, to be honest, while I don't like the fact that we are all labeled as sex maniacs, I'd like to remind people gently that there is nothing wrong with casual sex as long as both people are consenting and use protection. Like, I seriously hate being painted with the Gay=Sex brush. I don't like that. While I don't believe that gay=sex is a good message to send out, I wanna point out that there is nothing wrong with sex either, and we should be saying that too.

Guys are pretty confusing, and apparently drooling over them doesn't really break the ice...

andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

even worse for bi people

It seems even worse for bi people, like we are nymphos or something.
....well...some of us are...

What worries me is that people assume that since we are bi we are incapable of having a relationship with one person. Lesbian friends of mine back of and say "oh, but I was warned about bi people, they will always dump you for a guy". Any relationship problems are blamed on a lack of gayness or a lack of straightness. Or even worse, straight guys react with threesome fantasies. (This is my mom's worst nightmare since I came out as bi, that every time I announce that I am bi, I am sending a signal to all the guys in the room to take advantage of me for some slutty joke).

I decided to take a peek in the closet.
What a suprise to find myself hiding inside!

underdarkness's picture

Excuse me?

You are 100% wrong on this front.

The main theme you seem to be overlooking is that you are judging all gay people based on SEX SITES. Those sites are meant for people who only want sex and I highly doubt that the majority of gay people go on the sites you're talking about.

Sure, some gay people are promiscuous. Some straight people are promiscuous too. If you want to get a more accurate representation of gay people go to sites that don't promote rampant sex. Need I remind you that there are plenty of sites out there for heterosexual sex?

To answer your question, being gay is the physical and mental capacity to love a member of the same sex.

- One Nation, Under Darkness, with liberty and justice for white, heterosexual, rich, Christian men

Campfire's picture

But they aren't sex sites,

But they aren't sex sites, that's how the gay community has chosen to use them, or at least the majority. Gaydar quite openly accommodates the ability to make it clear that casual sex is not on the agenda, people just choose not to do that.

And one thing I do notice is that this site is not one which promotes sex, and yet out of 5 replies, 4 people seemingly agree with my post. That says something to me.

Furthermore, I'm not saying every single last gay guy is a complete slut. I didn't give it the title, "gay slags" I said "gay promiscuity" which isn't just a euphemism for the former it means all kinds of things that the right use against us as far as our sex lives are concerned. Not even relevant to the number of people you sleep with, but where you do it, and who you do it with. Random stranger in a park? Over a car bonnet? Group sex? That is all promiscuous behaviour, and what I'm asking is, is that more rife within the gay community and if so, why, and is it such a bad thing even if it is true?

I would also like to say that I'm well aware that heterosexuals are also promiscuous, I have plenty of straight friends who sleep around, or used to sleep around with just about anyone. One friend who identifies as bisexual slept with a different person every week, without fail. Indeed, it's people like her who give bisexuality a bad name but nevertheless she's very dear to my heart! But I'm not talking about straight people, I'm talking about gay people. Just because I question whether the accusations of the right actually hold any truth doesn't mean I'm negating the actions of heterosexuals. Don't doubt me in my passion for gay rights for a second but debate only exists if you at least attempt to tackle the views of the opposition and understand them, as much as that might be painful or annoying.

As for your definition of gay, I agree. That is what I would class as gay. So what "label" would be given to someone who seemingly just lives to have sex who happens to choose to sleep with men. This is why labels are useful you see. It's much easier to say "gay" than it is to say, "A nympho male who chooses to sleep with males." But then when there's such diversity within the label how can it all mean the same thing when people are at odds with each other?


"If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon."
- George Aiken

whateversexual_llama's picture

And then there are lovely

And then there are lovely sites like this one!!!!

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

jeff's picture


First of all, we start off with the notion that promiscuity is a "problem." That reminds me that the definition of a slut is someone who has more sex than you. :-)

I mean, straight guys don't sleep around more because straight women say no. Pure and simple. So, when you look at it from that perspective, gay men are following their natural biological inclination without the resistance of females. Put plainly, they do it because they can.

On Halloween weekend, I think it was. I was standing on the sidewalk, and a guy came out of The Bar, walked up to me and started kissing me, saying he wanted me to take him home. That was just it for him, he wanted me, so that was it, let's go...

Getting onto the other issue, which is the desire for more of an emotional connection, relationships, and all that, it is a bit too easy to think these are just two disparate camps. Lots of people fuck around a lot and then settle down, some people settle down and then realize they want to fuck around. So, it's all messy.

As for the differences between what they ask gay or straight people, well... these things can matter. Sexual incompatability is a huge reason to break up with someone, so if you're a bottom, why wouldn't you search for a top/versatile partner? While there are some exceptions, it's pretty safe to think a heterosexual guy is going to be the partner that penetrates and the female is penetrated, so why would they ask them that? Straight guys who wanted to be the bottom would go to a BDSM site.

There is never, and will never be a consensus on this. there are huge pockets of the community that oppose gay marriage.

I think this ties into our need to label ourselves, yet again. Why does the community have to be anything to fit any one person's needs? Sexuality is too broad a thing to have so many other characteristics ascribed to it.

The thing to do is find where you do fit in, learn how to find the people you want in your life, learn how to find the relationship that will satisfy you. As for everything else, learn to accept it. It isn't going away anytime soon.

Don't try and change the world, just your perspective on it. It is the only thing you control.


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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Torre's picture

Well, I'm sorry, but AMEN!!

AAs someone who has thought what you said for years, I have to applaud you.

I just got out of a 2 year relationship and while I know I have the guts, wit, and charm to be among my people, I don't like what I see.

Part of the reason, I loved who I was with was that he loved me...for me. He didn't come across like how so many gay men seem to be with games, shallowness, and outright attitude or a need to hurt guys just to hurt guys or all guys seem to think about was sex. I was in that world long before I met him, and I was a darker jaded person before him.

Now that it's over and he was really my first serious relationship, I'm not all gong-ho to get back into that world...and while most of that happened in Arkansas, it seems much worse here in California. Of course, I could play games and do it well and sleep with a new person every night, but that isn't what I want for endgame. However, do I want to wait forever for everyone to catch up because it seems like everyone wants no-string-sex or open relationships or threeways or AIDS parties or something that makes a person go...' anyone actually looking for a relationship that doesn't resemble co-dependency? If so, I'm another six months.'

Column of the moment: 'The Rape, I never thought it would happen to me...'

scandalboy's picture

i asked this question the

i asked this question the other day to a gay friend, who is about 30 (it was a question in my interview for school with him.) he said that it just is, like he didn't have a reason. i said, "maybe because men are more sexually driven than women, so when it's ALL men its just crazy rooting all round." he had a laugh, but don't you think it makes sense?