her beauty captivated these lonely eyes of mine...

808Chik's picture

...and before i knew it, she took my breath away.

the gentle caresses
so fine and relaxing
along my body, mind, and soul
the crazy soft flutters
of my heart
from your sweet amazing kisses
gleaming in your eyes
the light of your love
those spoken words
stopping every breath, every beat
my heart so anxiously missing
so anxiously waiting
ba bum ba bum
this heart of mine
beats for you
sings for you
misses you
come back
and fix what you've broken
the millions of pieces
soaked in this sorrow
the tears still flowing
your memories
etched into stone
never forgotten
but put into darkness
to never be seen
until that day
that day i can say
...goodbye to you.

i'm lonely. this isn't something i like admitting. but it's true. i think i was in denial. admitting that i'm lonely is something as a showing my weakness. i hate my weaknesses...i don't think i have many strengths either, but the more people know...the more i am of a target.

why do i think this way? it comes natural for me. i grew up obedient, attentive, respectful, and responsible. things weren't given to me on a silver platter, but from my own struggles and other peoples words. i learned to give more than receive. i learned to take care of others before myself. i learned respect. i learned responsibility. i learned to be avoided. i learned to shield.

i can't say my life was bad. but it wasn't good either. the struggles, the pain, having to be the pillar on which others leaned on. a silent object, nothing of importance until needed for a task.

time shifted. i learned something new. i learned to love and care. but it was taken away when my heart was taken and broken. the only part i have left feels nothing. emotionless. not a care in the world.

i don't like it. it has grown hatred and sorrow. not filled with the happiness and joy as before. this is what love does.

it gives you everything you want at first, then tears you apart after. and i'm tired of it. i've tried pushing it into the back of my mind, the cold dark space never to be opened. it never works.

i fight this battle between my heart, my body, my mind, and my soul. a battle i am soon beginning to lose. my heart already broken. my bodys energy is wearing thin. my mind a confusing mess. all i got left is my soul, the very soul that i have no connection with anymore.

these are the casualties. here is the blood shed. this is loneliness.

Comments

Damon's picture

Loneliness

I think loneliness is something hard for a lot of us to admit. You are right, at least for me it makes me feel and seem vulnerable or weak to say I am lonely.
It is so much better that we should see ourselves and others should see us as self contained and never needing external stimulation.
Sort of a "robot" left in space with no natural enemies but nothing to befriend it either.
I have also found that loneliness or something akin to it, is present even when we have someone but are not with them. Our minds catch fire with imaginings so desparate that we begin to believe we will never see them again.
I was told yesterday, this is the feeling of love-sickness; the process of truely falling in love. Talk about helpless and weak! you don't eat and all you want to do is sleep and dream about being with that person.
Nice pros, by the way..........

Damon

808Chik's picture

yeah. i can agree with what

yeah. i can agree with what your saying...love-sickness. sigh don't ya just hate it! thanks. at least i know i'm not the only one that thinks like that :)

"i am who i am, so don't judge me for being myself"