one step forward, two steps back....

lookin to the future...'s picture

so the last week has been well, interesting....

so it turns out my dad is coming up from san antonio next weekend for my state final (for soccer) and also for my birthday (the big 18!!!) so anyway, i have been really really wanting to let him know about my well, err "preferences"... but of course once again my little sister will be with us the whole weekend... and my mom keeps warning me against all the "bad things" that could happen... it just makes me furious to see that my mom (who despite truly being straight...) has been with a woman for the last thirteen years... she has always trained me to say that they are "just friends" blah blah blah.... whenever we are somewhere in public and i say anything remotely "gay sounding" she flips the fuck out.... i guess i just feel like my mom's confusions and embarassments shouldn't be forced on me....

so sunday is the first anniversary of meeting lian (for those of you how haven't read previous entries... shes the only girl i've ever really really wanted to be with.... she led me on for months and months and then claimed to be straight... and then promptly ran out of my life... (actually, when i say ran i mean she hauled ass FAST) anyway, it's a year on the 18th.... she treated me like shit, absolute shit and i still miss her... god, that makes me sound pathetic...

in other, happier news.... i have a new crush.... ok, not new i've been staring at her since sophomore year.... her names brooke and well, she's fucking hilarious and really really ridiculously good looking.... she claims to be straight but my gaydar and one of my friends previous "friendships" with her would prove otherwise... last night i got home from practice to find a myspace comment from her telling me to come out one of her tennis matches next week... she doesn't have anything to worry about.... i will be there... no questions asked... ;)

i was walking down the hall today and this super cute junior was walking in front of me... she has also always set my gaydar off big time... (i swear my school puts the 10% thing to shame... i bet we are close to 20 probably... hey, i'm not complaining).... so her backpack had a lot of pins on it and the one in the middle said "i have no shame in my game".... fucking hilarious... i should have told her i liked it but of course i chickened out... god damn, i think i might be single forever.