Well, my crush seems to be friendly towards me, at the very least. Whenever I say hi to her, she smiles at me and says hi back. I mean, the smiling thing has to be good, right? Plus, I’ve been doing nice things for her. Today when we were doing work in class and we had to staple some papers together and make a packet, I handed her one of the papers we needed to make the packet, even though she was right behind me and was about to get it herself.
Some of her friends don’t seem to mind me, either. I absolutely despise some of her friends, but the others are actually nice, and when I talked to her while she was sitting next to some of them, they actually joined in the conversation! It’s usually good when your crush’s friends semi-like you, isn’t it? I don’t know much about this kind of thing.
In class, we’ve been making eye contact, shyly smiling, and quickly looking away many more times than is natural. I’m wondering--does she have a thing for me? I hope so. I really, really hope so. It kind of seems that way, considering that she smiles at me a lot.
I want to get to know her better, but I have nothing outside of school to invite her to. Maybe I should just create something to invite her to. Maybe I could invite her to a movie. But I don’t know what kind of movies she likes… I’ll have to ask her about that. I hope she doesn’t like horror/thrillers or something like that. Those things always terrify me. I’d feel really embarrassed if I started biting my nails or something while my crush was sitting right next to me in the movie theater. Ugh, that would be horrible.
At least I’m getting over my shyness now. I’m actually able to go up to the girl I like and start a conversation now. Those of you who have read some of my past journal entries know that I get terribly shy whenever I’m around a girl I’m crushing on. It’s really weird. I used to be scared about going up to this girl and say hello! I know it’s pathetic, but at least I’m slowly starting to grow a backbone.
I’m thinking about asking my parents if I can go to an LGBT center in my state. The few community centers I know about are all a few hours away from my house, so it would be a lot of trouble for my mom and dad, but I’m starved for gay people to relate to outside of the Internet. Nobody is out at my school, and even though I have a few gay family members, I don’t see them that often, and besides, I want a gay person my age to relate to, not someone who’s decades older than me. I want to ask my parents about going there, but I’m afraid they’ll say no. Besides, I’m only thirteen. What am I supposed to say to people when I walk into the LGBT center? “Hi, I’m thirteen years old and know I’m a lesbian, plus I am already out to my parents?” I’m afraid nobody in the center will take me seriously.
I feel like a shy coward right now. *slaps self on forehead* Can I get some reassurance? Please?