Uh. The mirror.

Uncertain's picture

Besides all this other crap in my mind that (and fuck I don't even know how many fucking things are on my mind right now)... today I've been feeling really fucked up. It never really hit me but today I was on like a fucked up self-esteem mood and I was thinkin how fucking ugly I look. I can look good if I try, but right now no matter what I'm just thinking how fugly my face and body and everything is. I think I have a right to be pissed off. So many things on my mind. Gosh I'm such a control freak.

That didn't make sense but who cares. Not like it really has to. I also can't believe I started cutting again. In a moment of anger I stapled myself too, which I never really done before. Fuck. Gosh it's just everything. It's the stress and everything at THAT moment and I can't handle anything anymore. I fucking hate life at this moment right now. I'm going to sleep now, even though I'm not supposed to until I've done my homework and study. But I can't afford to stay up any longer. I'm scared I'll hurt myself more.

Comments

Y - GuRl's picture

Aw dude we all have those

Aw dude we all have those fucked up self esteem moods. Shit stuff passes eventually so keep your head up alrite? Stay strong, you can get through it mate, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Campfire's picture

You stapled yourself? Ow. I

You stapled yourself? Ow. I did that once. It really hurts. I've cut myself by accident a few times too, that hurts as well. I don't get how people can do it personally, but to each their own.

I have days where I feel really fucking ugly. Like I'll get some really gross spot right under my nose in that dippy bit on your top lip (philtrum). Don't you just hate that? You look in the mirror and it's like, so fucking obvious. And then you're REALLY self conscious for the rest of the day. Or some days your hair just doesn't style the way you want it. Or some days you just feel like you look fat, no matter what you wear. Or some days I just think my whole facial structure couldn't possible be attractive to another human being.

When I was a bit younger, probably 2-3 years ago, I used to skip school, phone in sick at work or stay in bed all day just because I hated how I looked. I've got a little more confident, had a few people tell me I'm cute and pulled a few people in nightclubs, makes you feel better about yourself! But still I have bad days where I convince myself I'm ugly.

Just hang on in there. I've seen some truly vile looking people be happily married or in a relationship or just have one night stands. I bet you're not THAT ugly!

P.S. There's probably nothing attractive to another person about self harm scars or staple marks all over yourself, so can I make a suggestion that you stop that? :P

"If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon."
- George Aiken

hellonwheels's picture

keep on keepin on...lol

dude, we all get that way about our appearances...hell, right now I'm fucking fat, 25-30 lbs overweight and weak as hell, so u should feel better now....lol, and the mirror always lies, max, always...anyway, feel better and try not to cut.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman