I think spring break has done it's deed. By that, I mean Jerry and I have had our moment of truth and to tell the honest truth it wasn't as dramatic as I expected it to be.
Winding up a trail, far from anywhere we were freezing out asses off but had planned to spend the night camping. I think we both knew what that was going to do for us even if it was not mentioned.
You all saw Brokeback Mountain? OK extrapolate...............
No sheep, one small dog and we know we heard a bear but didn't see it. I was far more worried about Big-Foot anyway than some damned ole bear.
Two sleeping bags zipped together for warmth and no clothing because they was drying by the fire after falling in the creek. At midnight the fire was going out and the clothes were still not dry and we were afraid of getting pneumonia so we wrapped up in blankets and dry socks and shivered in the cold by the fire.
I love to camp but I am used to camping Los Angeles style when the coldest it gets is about 50 degrees, freezing by L.A. standards.
By the time we were both getting tired and ready for jumping into the sleeping bag, we were astonishingly aware that we would be in bed together naked. Or as the say in Wyoming "nekked".
Well one thing led to another and ahhh we found each other so to speak.
It deserves a poem but I would ruin it for sure by trying to put it all in words. It was nice. Me and Jerry and the doggie and the bear.
The only thing that didn't follow through the Brokeback Mountain story besides the lack of sheep was the fact that neither of us expressed any guilt for what had transpired in the dark of that pup-tent.
I have to admit that I felt a little shy the next morning but not too shy to make it all happen again after a bowl of instant oatmeal.
Later, dressed in the now dry and somewhat crumpled Levi's we both had worn for the trip, I have to admit that I was amazed at the cute body I saw and the thought of what was under those Levi's made it even cuter. I don't pretend to know what Jerry would place in his journal about me, if he had one but there was no doubt in my mind that he was pleased by our progress.
I was awakened several times the next night by him just exploring me. Nothing really sexual just his hand running over my skinny stomach and across my chest. For me the lust was looking into his dark Asian eyes and believing for once that I was desired by someone. You know that has to be the best thing. After living a celibate, teenage life to find that you are desirable to someone not as a brother or a son but as a lover. A real live sexual lover! Who woulda thought such a thing of me. I never even though of myself as being sexual.. really. But to be loved and wanted because of it as well as the other things I may have to offer.......incredible!
The way I always thought of myself is "better get a good job because no bodt is going to want you for your skinny body". I have an OK face but I never thought of myself as a catch. "A catch" those were the words he jokingly used to describe me, "A Catch!"
He played a little game with me, running his finger from my chin to my Adam's apple. "This part, from here to here is the honesty and sincerity of you." he said.
"You can always see a person for real by looking here. You can't hide your vulnerability that shows here."
"You have a sharp and square jaw. That means that you are strong but sensitive and sincere."
I asked him where he learned all this.
He said it was an old Korean way of judging ones personality. He told the most beautiful story:
I laughed and asked him,"so did you see me glowing in the forest for you last night?"
"No", he said,"but I can see that you are sincere in what you say to me and that means a lot."