i am such an effing sucker.

tayz's picture


Lets getone thing settled before I/we begin.
The girl I like, T.
I really do genuinely like her... but there's also that lust thing.
But its not all lust, just for the record ><
Nor do I consider myself one of those really seedy date-raper kind of people :|
You'll understand that further on.

Okay so, yesterday I met T in town.
We were with my other friend A. (theyre both girls, and A knows everything about me and T)
We ran around town for a while then met up at the youth center where all the emo kids hang out on thursday nights (I love those kids to death!)

T and I(me) had the intention of
1) buying alcohol
2) chainsmoking an extremely unhealthy amount of cigarettes. as usual.
3) buying put off my friend who was also in town
4) T wanted pills, like E's or acid or whatever.

Our plans didnt quite go as well as we'd have hoped.
We did get alcohol. We did get cigarettes but they were these gross winfield reds. Urghh. Gross.
To anyone here that smokes - try ones called "black devils" theyre the nicest cigs you'll ever smoke. Ever.

We got kinda tipsy while in town (around 7-9pm) and T got kinda drunk, but we couldn't drink much because my mom was picking us up at 9:30.

We, as always, were touchyfeely. And hugging and just being close, in general. And so that was nice.

Then we got picked up and came back to my house. And it was kinda weird, I really wanted to kiss her but at the same time I wanted to be able to just hang out normally.
We ended up making out on my bed.
Then after a while we decided to go outside and have a bonfire and toast marshmallows.
The fire didnt start.
So we sat in the dirt for a while having a smoke.
At she complained about how crap they were and put hers out.
Then she complained about how cold she was so I put my arm around her and pulled her in closer. We cuddled for a bit and our heads kinda slowly came together and eventually we were looking eachother in the eyes with noses touching. Hehe. that sounds random :D.
And then we hooked up.. and I realized I still had a cig in my hand. So I awkwardly pulled away, said "fuck the smoke" and put it out, then we kinda made out for a while there.
Then we gathered the crap and walked back inside where my brother had randomly come home. I think he thought we were sneaking back in from somewhere or something. Oh well.

Okay thats it. Mood change. I'm cutting this short.

Basically we spent half the night cuddling, making out, watching a movie and lying on eachother/in eachothers arms on the couch, and kissing some more.
And I ended up getting drunk and she didnt.
I dont remember getting into my bed. Or anything past end credits of the movie.

Anyway. All this stuff happened.
We had a D&M (deep & meaningful) for a little while which included her calling me 'perfect' - which is huge. She's ridiculously vain and doesn't hand out compliments normally.
And she just...argh. I don't know. Sounded like she really meant everything she was saying, and she was saying all these things about how 'amazing' and 'incredible' I am.
Then this morning, it's like nothing happened.
Nothing. And it fucking annoys the shit outta me.
Even if she doesn't want to actually date me.
She could at least acknowledge the fact that it happened.
It just pisses me off that she's got the power to act however she wants to, and i'm too much of a dickhead to say anything about it.

I'm gonna go have dinner.


yesac's picture

I know just how you feel.

I know just how you feel. You don't know whether she even means anything she's doing to you!
That's just been happening to the girl I'm crushing on lately.
You should talk to her about it, how you feel about what is going on. Or else you're gonna end up really fustrated in the end!
hope it all goes well!

ForeverEndedToday's picture

Ouch that sucks! I think

Ouch that sucks! I think it's time for a deep and meaningful chat about how she didn't acknowledge what happened between you. It's not right for someone to do that. *hug*

electricity's picture

Oh that is so shitty. Sorry

Oh that is so shitty. Sorry to hear. You should confront her! Be like "hey, what the hell, we totally had something going and then you just ignore it?" And ask her what it meant to her and stuff. Ask if it's something that will turn itno something meaningful like it is to you