In deseperate need of letting go

nmc's picture

So im not quite sure how to explain this, but im going to do the best i can.

My girlfriend just broke up with her boyfriend. her and i have kind of had this relationship on the side for a while now. but her and her boyfriend broke up and it should be all smiles. but its not. he broke up with her and i can just tell she still loves him and shes hoping he'll come crawling back to her. shes deserves so much better than him. but anyway, they were going to go to prom together. about 10 months ago, she promised me if she didnt have a date, that we would go together. so prom is in about a month and now she says "it wont work." i understand she doesnt want everyone to think shes a lesbian, but its junior prom and we could pull off the friend thing. we could make it work if we really wanted to go together. i really want to go with her and ive made that perfectly clear. but her answers are always "i dont know what im doing yet."
today i found out she asked this random guy from work to go with her. i dont even know what to think of this. all day ive been trying to hold back my tears. i told her that i found out about her and her "new date" and how disappointed i was; first that we're not going together and second because im not going to see her at all that day. i was thinking maybe we would hang out instead of going to prom. but to her, this was too much. i "may have been taking this too far." so she says.

Am i as insane as she makes me feel? really, i just miss my girlfriend. and right now i dont feel like shes treating me like one. she thinks she can just stomp all over this relationship and everytime i try and let her go, i just cant do it.

I dont know what to do, what to think, how to handle this. i love her. with everything i have, but sometimes i dont know about her.

jeff's picture


The problem is that it sounds like you're the only person here who had a girlfriend. She didn't.

The question isn't what she could do to make you happy, since she's obviously not on that path. The question is how many more clues does she need to give you to get you to know it's over?

As for your friendship, well, it probably needs some time before that rights itself. Just as she wasn't willing to switch from friend to girlfriend once she became available, your interest in scaling back to being her friend so quickly are likely not true to your thoughts, so she's right to push away on that.

So, this means you two are friends, but that likely depends on what it will take you to realize it is *just* friends from now on, and her desire to see you through that process.

Really, you deserve better. You need someone who wants to be there for you in every way possible. Not someone who seems perfect because you've taught yourself to construct a lot of blind spots to create that perfection.


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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sufferinginsilenceboi's picture


I am in agreement with Jeff... you deserve so much better..
trust me i know from took me a long time to realize that and i almost didnt make it out of that relationship alive..

if ya need someone to talk to.. message me or something, im usually around..

take care,


|:|I Never Forgot How To Fly, I Just Forgot How To Take Off...What's A Happy Thought?|:|

Duncan's picture

Yes. You deserve better. I

Yes. You deserve better. I knoiw what it's like not to be able to forget someone, but I think the sooner that you do, the better it will be for you...

Courage is contagious... be strong, and soon you won't be standing alone.