just wishing things were easier...

lookin to the future...'s picture

so this girl i'm majorly crushing on... oh man....

basically talked with her yesterday for almost 2 hours.... she just really opened up to me... long story short her best friend has pretty much ditched her for her new boyfriend so she is really having a hard time with that.... not telling me about anything truly traumatic but it was good to just be there for her.... and she was like "you're such a good listener" and i gave her a little smile but what i wanted to say to her was "you are so fucking hot... do me please?" literally, i have to remind myself to breath when i'm around her sometimes... pathetic.... god i can be such a girl sometimes.... i get the butterflys and all that shit too.... lame i know...

well we're getting pretty close.... and honestly i'm scared about it... because the last two times this has happened it hasn't ended well at all..... first girl she just walked out of my life when she figured out she had feelings for me.... and the last girl decided she wanted to be with me but still wanted to date her boyfriend at the same time…. really really lame….

well this girl is the gayest of the three… and when i say gay i mean WOW gay…. total dyke… not in the looks department… she has longer hair and knows how to dress… just in her actions and stuff… her mannerisms are just so masculine too and the way she interacts with people…. she is completely oblivious though….. she is almost 18 and has never been in a relationship….. she finds the most effeminate guys cute (umm…. i wonder why…) she is constantly hitting on my best friend…. kinda annoying but just kinda sad too… she is just so lost with all her feelings… i just wanna help her out… for my own jealous reasons but also just because i was where she’s at at one time too…. and as i’m sure all of you know it fucking sucks….

i guess the best i can do is just be there for her…. i dunno…. i just wish i could shout at her “HELLO YOU’RE GAY!!!!” i guess i just wish the world was more accepting… i wish it was appropriate to just tell her the truth…. how i felt about her and everything else… ugh… just kinda stinky…

anyway, going downstairs to watch the l word with my mom… Katherine moennig always has a way of cheering me up… ;)

Comments

Y - GuRl's picture

be her rock!

haha "you are so fucking hot... do me please?" - made me laugh!

Hey if you really reckon she's closeted, restrain yourself from jumping her and help her out if you can. Does she know you're gay? Like you said, just be there for her and let her know you're there to listen because she probably needs it. And once she's out of that totally closeted/confused state, who knows what could happen right? Or if not, you can never have too many queer buddies!

hellonwheels's picture

we all wish the world was more accepting...

So is this new girl the one that you are hanging out w/ tomorrow all day??? well, have fun.

PS- do you want to go to prom w/ me? It'd be better than standing around in horse dung @ emerald downs....lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman