Procrastination,the bane of my life.

the ghost's picture

I know I only made a journal entry like yesterday,and nothing major has happened with me.Yet here I am back again.Procrastination is one cruel mother!!I should be finishing an assignment for college.I have exams in less than 3 weeks and I have a huge exam on Monday.Life is not cool right now.I keep saying I am going to do my assignment,but since that involves switching the computer on,I seem to find myself here,on bebo,msn....everywhere I shouldn't.I have to work tomorrow so it wont be done then either...I will do it when I get home.If I keep telling myself that it might actually put me in the right mindframe to do it.

In other news I am sort of hurt/angry at one of my friends.I am not sure if I should be or if I am being over-sensitive.It is my friend that I came out to,the very first one.Now she was fine with it and was really kind of enthusiastic about it with the "lets go to a gaybar" stuff,and things were fine.But in the last while she has become really cold and distant with me.I really don't know why.Everytime we arrange to meet up she forgets about it.If we are online at the same time she never ever says hi first,or starts a conversation first.Then if I do say hi,it is like she is really not that bothered about having a conversation.Things have been going like that for the last while.Then the other night I just casually said hi on msn and she was in a real pisser and was like I am in a bad mood don't talk to me.She is fine with everyone else.It is just me.Also lately she has started to really say stuff like such and such is a dyke,on bebo she kept randomly dropping by peoples pages to call them a fag or a dyke or something,and she is always joking with another girl online being kind of mean about gay stuff.This stuff is written clearly where I can see it and it really hurts.

So basically I am sort of confused by how she is acting.I tell her I am gay.She is fine and supportive.I talk to her about it.Tell her the insecurities and some melt downs I still have a bout being gay.She is fine and supportive.Then all of a sudden she just switches off and starts writing gay slurs all over bebo and stuff where she knows I can see it.I just don't understand it.I am not sure if I am being paranoid linking her distance with all the stuff she has been writing.When I came out to her she was genuinly fine and unphased.Now I just don't know.

I am not sure whether or not she realises that the gay stuff she has been writing even offends me.She has always had a habbit of say oh thats so gay,but so many people say that anyways.Yeah I really don't know.I would just have a good chat with her to sort things out if she would actually talk to me.I have decided to just distance myself from her for now and stop trying to forge some communication with her.If she wants to talk she knows where I am at.

All this is very distracting when I have such a mad amount of study!Anyways I'm going to go now.Laterz.


Toph's picture

Oh, I always do that!

I procrastinate about doing my homework, and when I finally get on the computer I always find something else to distract myself. Oh, it really does suck.

About your friend. I dunno. That is really strange. Maybe she's just PMSing or something. I hope she gets beck to her old self :/

~May the spirits guide your every assure you please her in all the right places XD

msquared's picture

Does she happen to have autism?

Haha, just kidding. (Or am I? The plot thickens.) That's really guess is that she was influenced by someone else, like a homophobic friend. Maybe they told her she might look queer or something if she hangs out with a gay person too much. It's quite possible that there's another reason, but that's the most logical hypothesis I could conjure up.

And thanks again for all your poetic support. I better get a compliment in poetry next time... ;-)

“Never forget! The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche