Rock and roll is a prostitute...

PurpleLioness's picture

It should be tarted up, performed. The music is the mask, while I in my chiffon and taffeta..."
-Velvet Goldmine.

Really I don't know why I'm putting myself in this situation. Every passing day it feels like my crush on her is getting stronger instead of weaker like it should. She isn't helping matters either and I suppose I should just stay away until I'm over her but the masochist in me tells me to stay. I don't want to loose her friendship and all.

Its weird I have the hardest time reading her, normally I'm very good at it since thats what I spend most of my time doing. People watching; but she's like a book written in a language where I only know a few words here and there.

Whenever we talk via text message, or e-mail, or over the phone I can actually believe that she likes me but then when were hanging out its kind of awkward and I'm not sure what she's thinking so I can't figure out how I should act, or react to things, and I should probably not think at all and just go with the flow but I'm a worrier. Thinking is what I do.

Like today.. While I was at work, well more like having a grit on my lunch break, we were texting and I felt I had to clear the air and just be very honest with her. So I sent: Heh can you tell I still have a fatty crush on you? . She replied with: Yea, Same here don't worry.

WTF?! what am I supposed to make of that?
Then there is the whole not object but not agree with her brother or friends when they say 'oh its your girlfriend.' She's certainly a mystery and making it a challenge to get over her.

I'm not really that eager to ditch my crush, I like the feeling sometimes. I'm amazed that I actually feel anything at all truth be told. Then again it hurts so bad, and its those moments when I wish it was done with the liking of her.

Well I need to go to bed early so I'm off for my last few cigarettes before bed. My body is starting to rebel against my sleepless nights.
[Which = me getting sick really easy]


ForeverEndedToday's picture

Crushes suck :-( Maybe try

Crushes suck :-( Maybe try to sit down and talk to her about it in person where she can't avoid the subject as hard as it might be to work up the courage. You'll probably feel much better after you talk to her. Good luck with everything!