Any feelings for C are merely weeds. A pure nuisance.
She is straight. Period, no questioning, no nothing. Straight.
A few days ago we got up early to listen to the waves on her beach house porch and we were talking about how our school is lacking in subtantial individuals, and I said "Well, if you were gay, we'd be set." And she laughed and responded "Well, I'm straight. I apologize for my straight-ness." The other day she asked me if there was anybody that I would date if they were theoretically gay, and I kind of shook my head "no" and said "If you were gay, I'd date you." So that is the biggest hint ever besides actually saying "I have a crush on you." She then proceeded to apologize for being straight, and that if she were gay she would date me.
But we're best friends, and so we're close and we hug all the time, and are cozy, and say I love you all the time. And our hugs are so close, and full-bodied, and it drives me crazy because I know that what I put into it is altered in meaning by her.
I hate being "woe-is-me" esque, but I just want it out my system.
I need to take hold of some closure. Find a nice mate. Someone who's actually gay. All I've had are straight-crushes. WTF right?