still, no closure

electricity's picture

Any feelings for C are merely weeds. A pure nuisance.
She is straight. Period, no questioning, no nothing. Straight.

A few days ago we got up early to listen to the waves on her beach house porch and we were talking about how our school is lacking in subtantial individuals, and I said "Well, if you were gay, we'd be set." And she laughed and responded "Well, I'm straight. I apologize for my straight-ness." The other day she asked me if there was anybody that I would date if they were theoretically gay, and I kind of shook my head "no" and said "If you were gay, I'd date you." So that is the biggest hint ever besides actually saying "I have a crush on you." She then proceeded to apologize for being straight, and that if she were gay she would date me.

But we're best friends, and so we're close and we hug all the time, and are cozy, and say I love you all the time. And our hugs are so close, and full-bodied, and it drives me crazy because I know that what I put into it is altered in meaning by her.

I hate being "woe-is-me" esque, but I just want it out my system.
I need to take hold of some closure. Find a nice mate. Someone who's actually gay. All I've had are straight-crushes. WTF right?

Comments

yep_im_a_stalker's picture

Well I had (actually have*)

Well I had (actually have*) a huge crush on this one girl, and she likes me back. But she's been forbidden to talk to me by her parents...so I guess that hurts more than my straight crushes.
So really either way it's sucky most of the time.

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electricity's picture

damn

Yeah, your situation hella sucks. I couldn't imagine not talking to my crush. I'm sorry for your loss =[

-Ruby-'s picture

cheer up lil bunnie :o)

I know your ♥ hurts right now.
All crushes have the potential to be painful and agonizing, whether the object of your affection is straight/gay/bi/whatever. I've dated 2 lesbians, and i totally fell for both these girls, but eventually they broke up with me cuz they "just weren't that into me." It's called unrequited love and it totally blows :o(
Honey, look on the bright side- you still have your best friend. So when you do find your beautiful lesbian queen, at least you'll have someone to call and talk to about it! Seriously, girlfriends come and go, but friends last a lifetime. Remember you're lucky that you have such a cool, sweet and supportive friend. :o)

electricity's picture

thank you

Yeah I know what you mean... crushes all around are going to suck ass [if it doesn't work out, anyway.]

And you're right, she's still my pal, and I love having her as a best friend, so it's not like I'm losing out on much besides a girlfriend, but a best friend is permanent and more important, in the long run. Thank you for that perspective =] I did get lucky with friends.

raining men's picture

Yeah

Yeah eventually you will get used to that. Eventually. Good luck with the hunt babe

"Sexual intercourse began in nineteen sixty-three (which was rather too late for me)"

dark raindrops's picture

ouch thats tough. it's

ouch thats tough. it's really good that you can keep her close, but be very careful-you don't want to expect too much out of her. i know you probably wouldn't mean to, but that jealousy can strike if she flirts with guys or if she talks to someone more than you. anything. i would totally go out of your way to find another chick that suits your fancy, just to get your mind off things. but dont lose her as a friend, since she seems to mean a lot to you.
heterosexuals can be such a problem. i feel your pain.

cydney