When boyfriends just want to be friends

TheInsideLlama's picture

There was this kid I liked and he liked me. and then he left me a voicemail one night... I seen him for the first time on a tuesday evening and everything seemed to go okay... but the next day that wens, Around midnight (12am sat.) he left me a voicemail on my cell saying that everything was magical and he I had a feeling that I liked you but it wouldnt work out" or something to that extent but when ever I try to IM him on aim or email him, or call I just get ignored and my calls are never returned when i just hang up before the voicemail or leave a message. I just don't know what to do and he wont tell me if he still cares or anything. maybe because my last relationship that was a long distance one I have no closure about and never will be able to... and Just seeking closure about this one... anyone ever deal with this before.

jeff's picture

Well...

It certainly seems like he's giving you closure, in the sense that he said it wouldn't work out and he doesn't even speak to you anymore. You don't always get the closure you want. But if I read this properly, and this all occurred after you saw him for "the first time," then I'm not sure what exactly you need closure from. If anything, you need the person you made this person out to be in your head to match reality, and then the closure will happen.

Every relationship has closure, just not always the kind you want.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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TheInsideLlama's picture

Closure

I had wrote him an email and some heated ims cause I was having a bad day yesterday... and got some stuff back from him and I don't know I know someone else will come down the line for me there always is maybe because It was my first relationship that I actually saw the person and it just wasnt a long distance 12 hour on the phone thing... and it just seemed to go so good and everything and nothing seemed wrong to me... but I got this today when i checked my email this aim (5:50am-ish) which was sent last night "ure not my ex we never went out move on i thoguht it was clear im not bneing mean or malicous just trying not to hurt you" and I replyed "it just seemed like even thought you said you wanted to be friends and continue talking to me and everything i just didnt exist anymore and I don't know and it's like I did something and when ever I would im you or anything I just didnt exist anymore I just want to be friends when ever my mom gets some help... "

but I don't know but Im not gonna be going to go jump off a bridge about this or anything... Maybe because so many things in my life have no closure I just wanted closure to possibly something

jeff's picture

Umm...

If there's no closure here, I'm not sure what you would expect. This is completely closed. "You're not my ex. We never went out. Move on."? You can argue with the events as he describes them, but certainly not the message he's sending.

Also, when people become friends after expressing interest, going out, dating, etc., that is usually contingent on both parties being over the notion that there was ever the possibility of a romantic relationship. If you're still sort of into him, it can't become a friendship yet. Few people want to hang out with someone that's still a bit moonstruck over them, often because they don't want to do the wrong thing and mislead you, etc.

Relationships are all about chemistry. You often have no say in whether it is there or not. You can vibe online or whatever, and that last little bit doesn't click in person. It isn't a good thing or a bad thing, it's just there.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

joemondragon's picture

that sounds like pretty

that sounds like pretty solid closure on this to me.

TheInsideLlama's picture

Yes I'm moving on with

Yes I'm moving on with things, Just kind of holding onto things because I look back at other things and just can't see it happen and really the only GLBT friend I know and just going through a buncha shit and don't know planning on posting a journal entry one of these days. I go to a small charter HS which not all of you may be fimilliar with the idea of charters with only 500 some odd kids and he goes to a school with 3,000 or more in a city of about 1.4 million... My school has no GSA at the moment and theres no established community at the moment event without the GSA... the community left with the class of 06'

I sent a different message last night saying good bye and everything just incase when things get better at home for me because of my moms issues with me and accepting me... Looking back at texts and a saved AIM convo on my phone I don't know why I'm clinging on to him as a friend... the night I sent a message for someone to foward to him on myspace and he said he would answer but never did but imed it was different then talking and just don't know the truth anymore and people have been being a pain and just shit i've been through and being bothered about myself seem to be back a bit and stuff...