"If I was gay, I would totally go out with you."
I've mentioned C many times. I like C. A lot. [There's a history of this crush on here]. My crush on her was strong, then faded, and now is bumping up to hit me in the goddamn face all over again. And remember, she's straight.
We spend quite the amount of time together. Sometimes alone. And talk all the time on the phone etc. Honestly, if we were any closer we would be a couple. When we're watching Golden Girls and lying/sitting close I just want to hold her hand or cuddle or something, you know the feeling? This pressing feeling of just wanting to be more than a goddamn friend.
And she always says shit like "If I were gay, I'd date you" and in my head I'm saying "Oh, shut it you tease." She also says shit like "One day you're going to have a beautiful boyfriend, and me a beautiful boyfriend" and I never say anything, maybe nod. One particular time we were lying next to eachother and she looked over at me and I just kept looking at her, I don't think I even had a reaction. She said "What's the matter?" Me: "Nothing" Her: "You look sad." Oh gee, wonder why...
I had a nice dream the other night where I kissed her. We were in my living room and my arm was around her, we were watching TV [sitting down on the floor, leaning against the couch] and I looked at her, and she looked at me [she was slightly lower than me, so more like looking up at me] and I just leaned in. She pressed me closer to her and put her arms around me and... wow, nice feeling. Too bad reality isn't relative.
So while I wait for this shitty crush to pass, I just enjoy being her best friend. She's a wonderful person and goddamn her for being straight, but God-bless her for being such a sweetheart.