chapter 4

electricity's picture

"If I was gay, I would totally go out with you."
Arugh, shutup.

I've mentioned C many times. I like C. A lot. [There's a history of this crush on here]. My crush on her was strong, then faded, and now is bumping up to hit me in the goddamn face all over again. And remember, she's straight.

We spend quite the amount of time together. Sometimes alone. And talk all the time on the phone etc. Honestly, if we were any closer we would be a couple. When we're watching Golden Girls and lying/sitting close I just want to hold her hand or cuddle or something, you know the feeling? This pressing feeling of just wanting to be more than a goddamn friend.

And she always says shit like "If I were gay, I'd date you" and in my head I'm saying "Oh, shut it you tease." She also says shit like "One day you're going to have a beautiful boyfriend, and me a beautiful boyfriend" and I never say anything, maybe nod. One particular time we were lying next to eachother and she looked over at me and I just kept looking at her, I don't think I even had a reaction. She said "What's the matter?" Me: "Nothing" Her: "You look sad." Oh gee, wonder why...

I had a nice dream the other night where I kissed her. We were in my living room and my arm was around her, we were watching TV [sitting down on the floor, leaning against the couch] and I looked at her, and she looked at me [she was slightly lower than me, so more like looking up at me] and I just leaned in. She pressed me closer to her and put her arms around me and... wow, nice feeling. Too bad reality isn't relative.

So while I wait for this shitty crush to pass, I just enjoy being her best friend. She's a wonderful person and goddamn her for being straight, but God-bless her for being such a sweetheart.

Comments

poissonrouges's picture

Not sure if this makes it better or worse...

But my gf thought I was straight until I asked her to kiss me in more than my joking manner... So you never know?
But your relationship with her sounds awesome.

I know there's "black sheep," but what about rainbow ones?

-Ruby-'s picture

hmmm...

so C is beautiful, hot, sweet, a tease, and super close to u physically/emotionally... and u talk about her so much, it's pretty obvious that ur kinda in love with her.

(i watch the golden girls too!)...
but what u should do is: casually get her to watch some L-Word with u. or good lesbionic movies with attractive actresses and sexy love scenes. this will help her realize the hotness of girl-on-girl action. she may in fact find herself curious about it, wondering how it feels... u never know what might happen.
u should definetely stay aware of other ladies who are openly gay/bi... but don't totally give up on C. if u can believe it and conceive it, u can achieve it! XD ummm... good luck! :o)

electricity's picture

Haha oh we already watch

Haha oh we already watch Logo and their shortfilms all the time. There's no "changing her mind." But that's ok. There are gay people in the world I can go after.

joemondragon's picture

You can always hope for the

You can always hope for the best. Maybe she is gay. Good luck to you.

"A friend is someone who bails you out of jail; a best friend is someone who stands in the cell next to you and says 'that was freakin' awesome'"
-Dr. Jamie Morris

Y - GuRl's picture

aww

The things you write about take me back to my old memories. I love those sorta dreams but hate them at the same time because you eventually wake up to reality.. makes you not wanna wake up (in a non-depressing way). You're right, you just gotta enjoy her company and the times that you share together. I know it's hard, but try not to be sad that you're not 'together'.. but you already knew that.

electricity's picture

No, I enjoy our time

No, I enjoy our time together. It's only sad when I get my hopes up, you know? When I want things to happen that won't. Otherwise, we're happy kids.

pomegranate's picture

i like reading your journals

and you never know, maybe in chapter 5 you'll get to kiss her and then in chapter 6 she'll realize she's bi......
it doesn't hurt to hope, right?

yesac's picture

you and I are on the same

you and I are on the same line.
AHHHH STRAIGHT GIRLS!!! why do you have to be so affectionate with us like that!

electricity's picture

I sympathize. It's a bitch.

I sympathize. It's a bitch.