Why is it so difficult to just come out and be who I am.I have been on here for just over a year.In that space of time so many people have joined the site,had the crisis about their sexuality,come out,and moved on.
Since joining on here I have sorted out in my own head a lot of my confusion,and I think I have accepted my sexuality enough to be fairly comfortable with it.I have come out to two of my friends who were fine with it.Its been a few months since I've come out to them.But since then I haven't made any moves foward.Like they are fine with the gay thing.Kind of enthusiastic actually.They really wanted to start hitting some gay bars and stuff.But I freaked out and wouldn't go.So they kind of haven't brought it up again really.I think they are scared I'll freak out about it again or something.
I'm not even sure anymore exactly what it is that I am afraid of.I have pretty good bunch of friends who are fairly open-minded and accepting..but still I haven't said anything.I feel like I just wish that I was just out there and open with it and the whole closet thing done with,but its actually getting there that is the difficult part.I guess I am just scared of being seen as different or something.I don't know.I think I am just feeling frustrated or something.I feel like I have spent so long hiding this from a bunch of people whose lives it will really have little or no relevence to anyways.I don't know.I don't even know what I am talking about here anymore.
I have decided though that by the end of this summer I will be out to more people.I want to tell my friends from college over the summer.I figure if I tell them over the summer they can have some time to process or get used to it if they need to.That will also mean it will be easier to join the gsa thing that is at my college.I think then maybe I can take things from there.
Ok this has been a long kind of rambly entry.I should probably leave it there.Its been a long day.Had a three hour exam..and another one tomorrow.eek!!