I was a self-mutilator

PokemonGeek's picture

I haven't been on this site for a while now but I wanted to do a blog as a form of letting people be aware that guys can also be self-mutilators too. The media I think make it seem more like a problem that only women get like Anorexia nervosa. I was pulling out hair out from my legs and really never considered it as serious. My guardian was the only person asking me questions about my legs. She thought it was a strange rash that wouldn't go away and I thought that since she thought that way, why tell her the truth? As I said, I thought it was harmless and for cosmetic reasons. I was using a pair of tweezers to pull out hair and if I couldn't get the whole folicle, I dug deep to get it and bled often. I really wasn't ashamed or afraid like some do but rather no one else ever asked me what I was doing to my legs. I did this for about a year and a half and only admitted it in late January when I had had a mental health crisis. Shortly after that, my guardian took away my tweezers and I haven't been able to hurt myself that way. Using my fingers to pull out hair isn't good enough for me since I always want the whole thing out. I would zone out completely and did it while I thought I was bored but really trying to push what was bothing me to the very far back part of my mind. I also did it while alone next to my bed and if someone came into my room, I just threw the tweezers under my bed. I will continue to write about my progress as often as I can.

Comments

PokemonGeek's picture

I fogot to mention that my

I fogot to mention that my dad is extremely homophobic. He threatened to break both my legs if I ever mentioned about being gay and it was immoral. He also hates me doing origami and claims it does nothing. Origami is a hobby for me and if he thinks it's so useless, let's see him make a miniture working umbrella glued to a chopstick and see how easy it is for him!

Poor is the man
Whose pleasures depend
On the permission of another
Love me, that's right, love me
I wanna be your baby
Wanting, needing, waiting
For you to justify my love
Hoping, praying
For you to justify my love
I'm open and ready
~Madonna

jeff's picture

Hmm...

My take on a dad who tells his thoughts about how he'll react poorly if they turn out gay: he already suspects they're gay. Otherwise, the whole topic would be silly.

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"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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my three wheeler rox's picture

...

I'm so jealous that you can do Origami! I hate how people assume that cutters are always girls! I have a couple guy friends who are cutters and they are far better at concealing and explaining away their cuts/scars than I am.
Sorry your dad is so homophobic, my mom is the same way. She flips whenever an Ellen commercial comes on, but she has never threatened me physically.

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