Last Two Weeks of High School: Coming out?

the mouse that roared's picture

So... I was talking to may gay friend who graduated last year, and I was mad at him because he didn't come out in high school. I mean, jeez, he would have made me so much happier if we both knew about each other. And he could have been a role model for so many kids at school.

But I feel a bit like a hypocrite. Sure, I'm out to my friends and acquaintances, and I don't hide it from anyone, but I don't announce it either. I want to become higher-profile about my queerness, though, especially before I post my stuff on facebook. I don't know how much I can be of help to my closeted/uncloseted schoolmates at this point, but maybe I could.

The thing is, I'm a pretty private person. I don't go around shouting about my crushes, gay or straight. It feels like an excuse to stay closeted, but... argh. I don't know. I feel like if I don't know about your crushes, you don't know about mine. You know? But I want to be visible. More visible than I am.

Any advice on how/should I come out? Or general insights?

jeff's picture


Being out just means revealing the truth of who you are as a person. There is no connection between coming out and telling people about your crushes, especially not shouting about them.

You can be a private person, as well as an out private person. I've never bought into the I don't hide it or announce it thing, really. If sexuality seems like a big deal, it is because you make it once. Especially if the debate is whether to tell people in a situation whereby the majority of whom you will never see again (no matter what they write in your yearbook).

The issue is that sexuality is a fundamental piece of who you are. Whoever doesn't know it about you doesn't truly know you, no matter how close they seem otherwise.

I can know you like girls without knowing what girl you crush on, or what you like to do in bed, or whether you like bondage or Britney Spears "Oops, I Did It Again" Catholic Schoolgirl roleplay fetish scenes. Straight people are able to integrate their sexuality into their personal and professional lives without thinking twice about it.

We ghettoize things by calling them a gay movie and such to some extent, because by default everything else is straight. But you never say you went to see a straight romantic comedy this past weekend.

So, there is a name for "I'm open about it, but I don't announce it." Typically, if the former refers to a small minority of people and the latter the cast majority of people, it's just closeted.

Easy enough to change. But if you're looking to go out with a bang, make it memorable. :-)

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

wilma wonka's picture

some suggestions about how to come out

If you want to come out here are some fun ways to do it. Like jeff said, if you only have a few weeks left before you never see most of these people, then go out with a bang. Here are some suggestions:
1. stand up in the middle of some public event with a bullhorn and shout "I'm gay" or something like that.
2. perform a song with lyrics that do the coming out for you.
3. tell someone who's always spreading rumors.
4. Put it on your face book and let people gossip about it.
5. put up posters
6. blurt it out in class really randomly
7. come to school at least one day wearing dressed in rainbow shoelaces and one of those shirts that says you're gay.

sorry, most of these aren't very creative, but it is a starting place.

"gay: cheerful and lighthearted; merry." - The American Heritage Dictionary.

the mouse that roared's picture


I like the poster idea. And the shirt thing. Blurting it out in class, of course, is always a possibility. I shall have to get cracking if I want to come out on Monday. I mean, it's my last opportunity to do so where there's any homophobia involved! (At least until after college, anyway.) Gotta seize the tail end of this opportunity.

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

anythingnotmyname's picture

I think if you're out to

I think if you're out to friends and acquaintances... then you're pretty much out. You don't need to shout your sexuality from the rooftops if you're not comfortable with that. Personally, I'm not out, and I justify that because my sexuality is only a tiny part of me.... who I choose to fall in love with simply isn't that important to the people who I do calculus problems or discuss politics with.

Granted, I feel like by being out I might help other closeted gays feel less alone, and it might have made it possible for me to date, but in the long run.... I graduate in a few weeks and I really don't regret coming out. It's one less thing I had to deal with besides college admissions and gpas and sats and so on and so forth.

I think the best way for you to come out is exactly as you're doing it. If you scream it out and let everyone know, the people who don't know you well will judge you before they ever meet you. This way, the people learn to know you for more than just your sexuality. Good for you.

jeff's picture


Damn, girl, you are way too agreeable.

Cutting is like biting your nails. Fallwell might have been a nice guy (he only played a homophobic asshole on TV). The closet is OK.

These seem more like the position I should be taking running this site, but... no, can't do it. :-)


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

the mouse that roared's picture

I'm gonna do it!

My friend quite possibly may make me a T-shirt. Yay!

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

rowie's picture

i like the t shirt idea. i

i like the t shirt idea. i always thought that would be a cool thing to do for a fun way to come out.

--i used to be a tomboy, now im a full grown lesbian--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**