mcdonalds at 2 in the morning is a no go...

lookin to the future...'s picture

so background in case you missed my earlier entries.... about two weeks ago my mom decided it was appropriate to go through all of my writing, all the stuff on my computer, my journal etc.... of course what she found didn't exactly make her any too happy.... the last two weeks i've been walking on eggshells trying to keep her happy.... i don't like tension between us... i hate when people are mad/disappointed/frustrated with me... never good...

so last night A and B (my two best friends.... i have a HUGE crush on B btw....) came over and we watched a movie... afterwards we ate shit food and sat and talked for like, 4 hours.... we have an awesome friendship and we were just talking about life in general... about everything... we are all moving down to PDX together for college next year so we were talking about that ect... blah blah blah.... anyway B is always very touchy feely with A... always... and naturally i'm jealous as hell... because B knows i'm gay (and i swear to god she is too) she tends to be much less affectionate with me... anyway last night it just really bugged me... at one point we were sitting around and her hand touched mine... just brushed it... no big deal right? she flips out, and gives me this horrified look.... i actually got kinda snappy with her i said "touching me doesn't mean i'm gonna jump your bones".... christ... sometimes that girl can be really immature....

anyway around 2 in the morning A decided she was hungry... so we decided to go to mcdonalds... we left the house (i wasn't going to go upstairs and announce we were leaving).... anyway, we left and i fucked up... completely forgot to lock the door.... shit fuck damn.... i swear to god not ten minutes after we had left my mom calls us... asking where i am etc etc etc..... we turn around, come home and she proceeds to yell at me in front of them for five minutes... embarassing like you couldn't even believe.... i definitely screwed up forgetting to lock the door but do i need to be yelled at infront of my friends? in front of the girl i am head over heels for?

we go outside... i'm walking back out to B's truck and she just gives me the sweetest hug.... i about lost it.... her hugs are AMAZING... she just said "hey.. it's gonna be okay i promise" shit... that girl knows exactly what to say i swear to god....

i go back inside and my mom decides it's okay to go on and on about how horrible my friends are.... lately she's taken a liking to the word "cunt".... i hate that word... dirty, nasty, completely derogatory.... she calls B a cunt... B has never done anything to my mom except be completely cordial and sweet.... i go to bed completely in shock... my mom had gone pretty low on that one....

so my punishment this morning was pulling weeds for 3 hours... whatever.... i survived just fine.... but the bummer thing is that A has the state tennis tournament this weekend in vancouver (SW Washington) and B and i were planning on going... after my little slip up though i'm thinking that's a no go.... way to go jordin! that was a smart one... NOT!

i dunno... i guess the thing that really bothered me is the fact that my mom and her partner (knowing full well about my feelings for B) just seem to pay very little attention to B or to A... i guess i just didn't really notice it until we took my sister's boyfriend with us out to her soccer game today.... he is the sweetest guy but they just paid so much more attention to him.... i dunno.... just kinda embarrassed me....

on a completely different note i had my awards banquet with the seattle pride foundation yesterday morning... i met the couple that has donated the entire $40000 scholarship.... the two men work for microsoft and are multi millionaries.... it was soooo amazing.... these two men are literally sending me to college.... i couldn't be anymore grateful.... the warmth and love in the room yesterday morning was real.... i felt so okay with myself..... so comfortable... so proud!

Comments

-Ruby-'s picture

that sucks...

my mom once yelled at me in front of the love of my life and then slapped the window of her car. it was totally uncalled for, incredibly shameful, and i will never forgive her for that.
good luck with B :-)

hellonwheels's picture

dude...that sucks...

your mom and mine are both into freakin' out over nothing...lol. I have a limited curfew now for no reason, except some of what happened after prom...lol. and all today, my mom was bitching about nothing...well, maybe she was PMS'ing...So, your mom is fond of cunt??? so are like half the guys in m school. Wish A luck @ state. And why would B be more affectionate towards A, knowing you like her, and then hug you like that? message me on Myspace, cuz I'm kinda confused...lol,.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

raining men's picture

Ouch

Pretty nasty incident with your mom. She is being quite a bitch, and very underhand. Try talking to her, but mostly good luck with how it works out

"Sexual intercourse began in nineteen sixty-three (which was rather too late for me)"