Out of my league...

Uncertain's picture

Well, there's this guy called Daniel. Some of you might remember him in my journal entry from months ago (although I doubt it). He can be really nice, yet he can be a dick at times. We used to be quite close... last year we hung out together most lunch times. Then off course I had a crush on him. I came out to him, then he freaked out... said it was disgusting and we kind of drifted apart. It actually hurt me rather deep back then. I decided I would... um you know, stay away from him... stop thinking about him...

Well, after this year began, tension between us eased. I've been out at school for months... and he was kind of over it. He's a dedicated christian so I can understand if he still gets a bit 'creeped out'. After I came out, he found new friends, I found new friends too...

But recently we started talking again... and sometimes he'd spend lunchtimes talking to me. It's occasionally hard to find things to say after so long... but yeah. I'm having this crush on him again. I won't go into the whole "is he gay?" because I know he's not. Yet, I can't help but think somehow we could be together. He even makes jokes about my being gay now (in a nice way)... which means he's taking it quite well. Oh I dno, how I wish he was mine....

We used to talk so much... I remember how he said I could go fishing with him on his boat last year. But after I came out... it never happened. He also has really nice hair with an awesome fringe. He cuts his own hair... and he even offered to cut mine. xD Oh what the hell. When I first came out people mistook him for my boyfriend. How I wish he was. I remember that one time he hugged me. Then the times he would sit beside me and I would lean slightly and have the side of my body gently brushing against his. And now, I like how he cracks random sarcastic jokes about me and him. I remember yesterday we went for a walk alone (twice)... and my friends thougt we went somewhere and made out. Daniel even played along with it. But yeah, it was a joke.

No he's not gay. Don't think he is Max. You'll only get hurt. You've been hurt like that before. Don't do it again. It hurts me so much when he talks about the girl he likes, and the girls he finds hot. Some of them are even my friends. Sometimes he would await the punchline for my jokes... but he will never get it. The punchline is "I love you, Daniel"... but it'll never be said...

Comments

joemondragon's picture

That's gotta hurt. At least

That's gotta hurt. At least I have room to think my crush is gay. Lol, I questioned him about who he likes, and he was just like umm.... Alexis? NO! Jenifer? Lol he didn't know which one was hotter.

"A friend is someone who bails you out of jail; a best friend is someone who stands in the cell next to you and says 'that was freakin' awesome'"
-Dr. Jamie Morris