I am home from school today and I expect to spend the afternoon with Jerry. I am home because whenever he needs me I'll be there for him. His mom had another stroke yesterday and for a time it looked like she may be in a coma for a very long time but fortunately, (I say that because in my humble mind it is fortunate,) she passed away.
I was not there because I didn't know until mom got a call from Jerry's dad. They don't know each other except by what we have told them of each other but apparently they had a lengthly conversation on the phone.
His dad said that he would appreciate it if I would come around this afternoon and be with Jerry while they make arrangements. I thought about going to school but decided that I would not have my mind on much else anyway and if Jerry needed me I would be available. Jerry called about an hour ago and sounded surprisingly in control and somewhat resigned. He said he never wanted to see his mom in a coma just to have her around and I had to agree with him on that. Her smiling face is etched in my mind as I am sure it is Jerry's and that is what I choose to remember.
I have to work tonight because tomorrow is the last day for the coffee shop. It closes forever Friday night. Although it seems a little strange, I can't help feeling it is a fitting time for the demise of the coffee shop. Two wonderful parts of my short time here in Wyoming will extinguish together.
I feel foolish sitting here writing when there is such a heightened sense of need that surrounds me but that is always the case even when my dad passed away, there are those times when you seem to have a need to do something but don't know what it is. I remember sitting and staring out the window thinking the same thing after dad passed away. "I should be doing something." But all that could be done, was done.
This will change Jerry to some degree as it did me, especially since his mother was ill to a degree that it disturbed him and kept him always thinking about what the future may bring.
For me it was a little different. Dad's death was unexpected and he was perfectly fine the day before. Still it changes you. You take fewer things for granted. It also made me the proverbial man of the house and my mom reinforced that by making me a bigger part of the decision-making forum at home. So much so, that it has postponed my desire to discuss my sexual orientation with her and may have forever changed how I will handle it in the future.
PETALS OF WHITE
Petals of white rained down and only through a fog could I see the gleaming chrome of the wheelchair.
Then with a sudden rush of light and wind, it was all drawn upward again and the lovely lady dressed in the pink gown assended with it.
As if to controll just a moment of God's time, she reached down and touched her sleeping son's face, and she was gone.
But he will see her in the crystal midnight sky again and again. Her voice will speak in the whispering pines so he will know, she is not far.