putting my feelings aside...

lookin to the future...'s picture

oh man.... i'm sick to my stomach.... i'm such a girl and i'm so so lame.... my feelings are getting in the way of everything...

for everyone that doesn't know i have two really good friends (let's call them a and b)... well a and i are always going to be close but she's straight as a fucking arrow and i'm well def. NOT so there's never going to be anything there... but b.. well b's the fucking hottest thing i've seen in well.... EVER...

b finally revealed to the two of us that she is a cutter..... and has now told a (and didn't tell me.... i feel a little left out) that her dad beats the shit out of her.... a and i suspect that he has sexually fucked with her too but she hasn't admitted anything like that so far....

a finally got around to asking b about her sexuality last night.... a kinda just said "have you ever questioned your sexuality" and b's response made me cry today (again, reason #298758 why i'm such a damn girl.... i cry cry cry all the time) anyway, her response was "i can't even let myself question it..... my dad would kick me out, maybe kill me"

with most kids that would be an overexaggeration.... but with her it's so true... so so true.... her dad scares the shit out of me... he just screams ASSHOLE when you meet him.... i HATE him for what he's done to her.... it makes me sick

i am having such a hard time setting aside my feelings for her in order to just be a good friend... ugh... it just kinda stinks..... i just wish i could kiss her and make it all better.....

good thing is... only two more days until the weekend..... we'll be together the whole time.... i really think i might be in love with this girl... and that scares me... a lot

i've never truly thought i was in love with anyone... oh god this probably isn't going to turn out well....


joemondragon's picture

If you're so worried about

If you're so worried about your friend, why not call child services? It may be the best thing for her.

"A friend is someone who bails you out of jail; a best friend is someone who stands in the cell next to you and says 'that was freakin' awesome'"
-Dr. Jamie Morris

lookin to the future...'s picture

great idea BUT....

she's 18.... CPS isn't going to give a shit unfortunately.... in washington state if you're over 16 the chances of them acting on your call are nil to none.... big bummer

hellonwheels's picture


I remember when I was 15, my mom was hitting me when she was drunk, she called the cops, and they believed her side of the story beccause she was an adult and I was just a kid....even tho I had a bruised eye and u could tell I'd been hit a few times....washington is really gay about these things.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

hellonwheels's picture

well, hopefully the weekend will turn out well :)

So is B the girl that races the 1/4 midgets and such??? or was that A? Anyway, I totally feel for her, I mean, if my dad knew I were gay, probably no exaggeration, he would probably kill me and possibly my mom, or at the least disown me. Hopefully you guys will have fun over the weekend.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

lookin to the future...'s picture

yup... that's b

she's the one that races.... turn on #847867 about her... ha ha! :)

rowie's picture

be a good supportive friend,

be a good supportive friend, im guessing thats what she needs right now. if you are meant to be together it will happen, sometime when its safe for her. have a good weekend together!

--i used to be a tomboy, now im a full grown lesbian--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**