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wilma wonka's picture

I leave for sleep away camp in 2ish months. I really like camp. It's such a dump and has so little money that they have to be creative when it comes to the activities that we do. We have jello fights and mud wrestling matches all the time. So, yeah, it's really fun. I'm considering comeing out this summer, just to see what it's like. I'm sooooooooo sick of being in the closet. I have to wait till the middle of next year before I can completly come out because next year the size of my grade doubles and I want people to get to know me before they know that I'm queer. But I've been going to this camp for 5 years so everyone already knows me so I wouldn't have to worry about it. My camp is this zionist youth movment so they say that they're really progressive and are really accepting and want to help the world and blah blah blah; but it doesn't always seem like they believe that. They'll talk about how they think homosexuality is fine one second and then a few minutes later they'll piont out something that's stupid and say "that's so gay". There was this girl who I thought might be gay so I sent her an annonymous note saying that I was queer and wanted someone to talk to about it. She responded that she wan't gay but she was fine with people who were and wanted to know who I was so that we could talk about it. We starting trading notes and discusing it that way and she was really nice and supportive but then she found out who I was and and was a complete jerk to me. Comeing out isn't as simple as it first seems at my camp.

Nothing's really been happening. School's winding down, thank g-d. This year has been pretty bad. I havn't really had any friends. I've been trying to sort out my gender identity and my sexuality and just in general finding myself. I've had to withdraw into myself to do that so I can't really have any friends. This year's just been a big long blur. Nothing really good or really bad has happened. So little has happened that it still feels like the begining of the year and I'm still waiting for it to get started and for something to happen. o well. hopfuly next year will go better