so many things...

lookin to the future...'s picture

so the last week or so has been pretty rocky...

tuesday night my moms and i got into a pretty big fight... i had no more car, no more keys, no ipod.... and on and on... no big deal right?

well i get home wednesday to my mom screaming at the top of her lungs..... she was furious... turns out she decided it would be okay to rummage through all the stuff in my room to find my journal.... i write... A LOT... especially over the last month or so as my life has really been changing (previous journal entries would explain a lot)... anyway, she found the journal, read everything and was furious... i'm 18... she had absolutely no right to go through my stuff..... she refused to apoligize.... am i wrong to feel extremely violated?? she said she thought i was cutting (my mother, crush, and a good friend are all ex cutters)... i'm def. not a cutter..... then she said she needed to see if i was drinking, and then it was drugs.... she said the journal would give her a better idea of what was going on... why can't she just ask? anyway, she was deeply offended by the stuff in the journal and took away the car for awhile longer along with the phone etc. i dunno.... she is suggesting i do something for my depression.... (i'm seeing a therapist on friday morning.... ironic considering the fact my mom is a therapist herself)... anyway, yeah i dunno.... upset very upset.... hopefully this will make our relationship stronger considering the fact that it's been pretty ugly now for a couple of months...

the good thing is i have the two best friends ever.... my best friend A is so awesome... and i'm absolutely head over heels for B.... she is gorgeous, talented, fucking hilarious, so sweet... anyway, A always does the nicest things... she heard about the journal thing and she gave me a present tonight... a new journal since my mom got rid of the last one! it made my day, week, month, hell possibly my whole year! and B.... had an interesting conversation with her tonight... she is so gay it's not even funny... she is completely oblivious to it so i'm trying to bring it around to her slowly.... we got into a conversation tonight where i tried to explain to her that sexuality is fluid.... it was like a lightbulb went off in her head... one of those "shit, oh my gosh, i don't have to stick myself with a label" moments.... i don't know if she will ever fully come around..... all i know is that she is the sweetest girl.... even if it never turns into anything... it probably won't.... but at least i've gained a friend for life....

i'm in the middle of a tournament this weekend.... there is this girl that is guest playing with us this weekend.... in the beginning, i just though she was pretty cute.... well quite quickly i can't even stand to be around her.... because i feel like i'm going to give myself away.... she is fucking hot! really quiet and pretty shy but so pretty... about 5'10.... awesome player with an insane body! oh man..... now only if we could actually win a game! haha....

i came out to the girls on the team a couple weeks ago and since then two of the girls have come up to me and told me that they were both bi... both are still in the closet but it always makes me feel good when someone trusts me enough to tell me that kind of stuff.... i'm not at all interested in either one but it just made me feel important... that sounds horrible..... but it kinda made my day!

maybe i should get to bed about now... it's 1am... waking up at 7 is going to be a bitch....

good night everyone!

Comments

hellonwheels's picture

So ur fallin' for...

B...lol...So I'm assuming she's bitch 1 or whatever her myspace name is....lol. And I already know who A is. Well, you definitely have the right to feel violated by what your mom or mom(s) did, but she was kinda justified from a parenting standpoint if she was THAT concerned about you, tho I don't think she shoould have been. Also, even tho ur 18, if you are living under her roof, she can go thru whatever she wants, from a legal standpoint...have fun w/ your shrink...lol. If u want to talk, hit me up on myspace. later jordin.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

raining men's picture

Yeah

I can see why your mom went through your journal, but then to be mad at you afterwards. You need to approach her about it gentyl, if she wont

"Sexual intercourse began in nineteen sixty-three (which was rather too late for me)"