...too much to ask?

808Chik's picture

idk. life hasn't been too peachy anymore. you ever had the feeling that someone you really care for and has learned to love...is in trouble and it's just killing you inside?

well...that's how i feel and it doesn't help that i also have my own damn problems to tend to. i would've wrote this problem in my post on sunday, but it involved my friend, Lei who was with me at the time...so i couldn't write it.

On sunday...when me, my dad, and my cousins were eating. i had a feeling that i should call Lei and so i did...it turns out that the girl was crying. why? i was getting angry and so emotional 'cause i knew why...i didn't have to ask her why...'cause i know but i just wanted her to tell me what happened.

She was hiding out in the bathroom at one of the schools close to where we live...hiding out from her grandmother and her bf, who she said were going against her. why? she never told me. but with three words that she said...i got pissed off and i swear to god...i wanted to kill someone. those words were, "i got abused". after she told me that...i asked my dad if we could go back and get her...and so we did.

but on the way there (we were kinda far away from home) i was mad...i just lost it...but when we got to her, she made like nothing happened and she was talking about it, so...i didn't mention it although as much as i wanted to know about what happened...i had to respect her.

i saw the bruises, scratches, and cuts...i couldn't even look her in the eye because all i felt like doing was holding her and comforting her...and as much as i don't want to admit it...i wanted to cry. i've learned to care for this girl...i also learned to love her too. god if only she knew how much of a friend i am...i am here for her no matter what. if anything happened i told her that she should call me no matter if it's 2 or 3 or 4 in the morning but just to call.

*sigh* i am so frustrated. 'cause idk what to do anymore. my life has just...*sigh* nothing gets better anymore. gosh. yeah yeah i'm complaining but fuck i think in a way that i have a right to...we all do!

i just wish that people actually listened to me and realize that the things i tell them...is because i care and i don't want them to get hurt. fuck i've gotten hurt and i don't want anyone else to go through it. i've got lei and my other friend kris...all BF problems. but i give up already.i don't want to care anymore...'cause it takes me NOWHERE!!!!

...on another note. there is another reason why i'm like this. i'm confused. i talked to one of my other good friends yesterday and i told her that it's confusing because i was able to like someone...actually LIKE someone after my ex. it shows that i can move on. but my feelings are just too weird for me. my heart is not ready for this. i'm not ready for this.

i really wish that i was emotionless and i didn't care.

it'd be so much easier.

:(...ah well. i guess i should go now. i have sometime in class but imma use it to rest a bit, which i haven't been doing too much of.

take cares everyone.

Comments

-Ruby-'s picture

here's a hug: ***HUG***

oh hun, i've been there too. one of my friends called me and told me about her rape. it kills that i can't erase her pain or track down the motherfucker who did this and make him hurt. :-(
but it sounds like u are doing everything u can- listening to her, letting her know she can call u anytime, just being there for her any way u can. she's lucky to have u. :o) take care ariel!

808Chik's picture

thanks :) "i am who i am, so

thanks :)

"i am who i am, so don't judge me for being myself"

Toph's picture

OMG! Aw, I'm so sorry. For

OMG!

Aw, I'm so sorry. For you and for her! I'm sorry if I haven't been talking to you much. I'm sorry. If you just need to vent, vent to me! I can get texts. Sending them is the hard part. Stupid phone is getting harder and harder to use; the buttons are like, I dunno, slowly dying. I can reply but it'll just take forever. But, oh gosh, I hope things get better.

~I love goodluck rubs ;P