What to say..What to say..

tayz's picture

So, basically to give you an idea.
I'm fifteen. With a girlfriend. Liked girls since I was about 10/11, but only really realized it when I was 13.
Insert the 1.5year question/deny/accept period, and then the last 10 or so months of "I'm here, I'm queer :D" And my friends completely accepting me.
Which totally rocked.

Something came up yesterday in class which bothered me a bit, because for once, I didn't know what to say, at all.
No idea.

I came out to my friends last year, and word got around fairly fast, that I was 'bi'
We were talking about Johnny Depp, and how incredibly awesome he is in the new PiratesIII Movie, which I'm yet to see, but my friend/acquaintance Lisa had seen.
Her and my other friends Camilla and Kaytt were like "ahh I know, he's so hot"
And Lisa's like "You think he's hot tay?"
and I replied something like "Ahh yesss he's hell hot XD... and thats alot, coming from me :P"
(I don't normally rate guys. At all. It's..weird, for me. I rate their girlfriends XD)
And she looked at me and was like "yeah.. but its not like you're.." *stops sentence abrubtly.
And I told her to finish it, and Kaytt was like OOOH. Lisa that's fucking harsh. (we could tell she was going to say something sexuality oriented and Kaytts really defensive over me :S)
and the teacher was looking at us so she wrote
"Lesbian? Bi?"
And I shrugged my shoulders, because I don't class myself as either frankly.
And Kaytt looked at me, and I looked back with a blank expression.
So lisa pointed to the word Lesbian with her pen, and then Bi, and pointed back and forth expecting me to nod when she was pointing at the right one. I didn't react. I just stared and shrugged.
Kaytt then, for some reason grabbed her pen and frantically circled Bi.
And lisa crossed out Lesbian and said "Yeah I thought so! :S"

I don't know why, but the whole situation just bothered me.
I'd never actually come out to kaytt, She was one of the one's who'd heard from the incredibly large rumour mill + secret spiller known as my All Girls Catholic School -_- I then befriended her later.

It's just. What do I say? How do I explain it?
I think on monday I'll just talk to her about it. Because I felt really uncomfortable when she basically circled a label for me, especially when it's something regarding something so personal.

I don't like Bi.
It bothers me, no offense intended to those who identify with it, but it just isnt for me. I know that without a doubt.

I'm comfortable with my sexuality. I've got no problem with Gay or Queer, and Dyke doesn't bother me that much either.
I just don't believe I'm a lesbian as such, and everyone around me still associates it with this horrible disgusting social outcast thing, which I'm not.
I don't believe that mind you, I love lesbians. I think theyre awesome ^_^
But yeah.

I just don't know how to explain to my friends, or people in general that I'm not straight, or bi, or a lesbian. I'm just me.
If I said that. They wouldn't understand.
They're not exactly the most intelligent girls around =/

(If you don't know who they are, check them out, seriously.
For you americans - their song Passing Of America.
I like 'Rough Hands' too.)

Ilovethem ^_^


electricity's picture

I thought you were older

I thought you were older than 15. Since you've mentioned drinking and drugs and stuff. Huh.

It's nice that you can just chill with liking girls and don't stress to harshly on what sexuality you are. Being comfortable is definetely more important than targeting a label, you know? Right now I'm bouncing between bi and lesbian [girls 85, guys 15] but all I know is that I've got some homosexuality and it's all good with me.