a BIG turn of events!

808Chik's picture

yup. well here i am. haven't been on for almost i think 3 weeks now? idk never was really that good with time lol. but yeah i'm finally on and able to write a journal entry :) yay!

i have an announcement to make...i have a boyfriend. *sigh* shocking isn't it? i've gone back to where i started. how this happened? well remember that guy i told ya'll about that liked me? well i decided to talk to him more and try the whole getting to know him thing and then i started to like him too. he asked me out and YUP we're going out.

i'm just having some issues. some issues that are driving me INSANE....like at times i feel like i'm lying to myself. but when i'm with him it's like...idk if sorta feels right and when i'm not with him...i have sooooooo much "fuck-what-the-hell-is-going-on" moments. i am officially CONFUSED and FRUSTRATED.

i have talked to a few of my really really good friends about it and whatever they tell me has....made perfect sense. i realized why i am like this. this is what they have concluded;

1) i've been hurt and "abused" sooo much before that i'm afraid of the pain and being hurt again. (soooo TRUE)

2) its a GUY and i've been so set on GIRLS. (there is soooo a difference)

3) i've been single for soooo long that i am used to it. i can't handle commitment like i used too.

but they all told me the same thing...."give him a chance". so that is what i am doing and its fucking creepy. lol. not in a bad way but sorta weird in a good way. *shrug* catch my drift? lol.

ok. you know how usually you catch the flaws in people and sorta use that as leverage to see whether or not it worth going through? well i can't. like the only flaw i find is that he's too good for me. c'mon he's fricken taking college prep classes this whole summer. he knows what he wants and he has a future. he's like the kinda of person guy/girl most people look for...or maybe its just me lol. but yeah. the tables have turned. the role that i usually have in a relationship is his role now and mine is just the role where its sorta like my exes but i'm TRYING i really am. i'm just not used to someone who...really really likes me. or should i say now....loves me!

but enough of that....i know where i wanna go for college now. besides the University of Hawaii this is the only college that has stood out to me....it's Western Washington University! they have a really good college for education and yeah. i'm planning to become a teacher...a english teacher.

uh. well. hopefully i can come back and write another entry and read everyones posts :) but i gotta go right now. so everybody take care and have a good summer!



ACCgirl's picture

straight boy gay girl syndrome

Have you told him how you feel? Maybe you'd feel less "creeped out" and much more at ease with him if you were straightfoward about the turmoil taking place in your head/heart. Relationships thrive on trust and honesty. Beside that, my main piece of advice is to try not to weigh him against your previous experiences (with girls or guys), and let this thing flourish or wither up the way it's supposed to. If you're happy together, you're happy together; if it fails, it fails...but don't let outside factors crush it before it's had the opportunity to grow. This is why clinging to self-classifications is such dangerous activity: someone comes along to shake it up, and all your carefully determined labels begin peeling off at the corners.

wilma wonka's picture

why is everyone doing this all of a sudden?

Everyone seems to be confused about their sexuality now, it's so strange. You, me, dykehalo, it's so strange that it's clustered like this.

Have fun with your boyfriend, if it works out, great, if not, eh, find someone else and don't sweat it. Just do what feels right and focus on making yourself happy.

"gay: cheerful and lighthearted; merry." - The American Heritage Dictionary.