I came back from our end of the year trip yesterday. It was really fun. The first day we hung out in this little tourist town that was really corny but fun because we could just run around with all of our friends and get ice cream and candy and clime the rocks that were near the town and play in the stream and no one could tell us what to do. I spent most of the time throwing rocks off this bridge in the town with Andrew, Jacob, and Caleb and watching them splash in the river below. Then we got off the bridge on the other side of the river from the town and climed on the rocks on that side of the shore. For once I didn't feel like an outsider. I don't hang out with them or the cliche they're in too much but I like them more than most of the people in our grade. Anyways, it was fun to be with people and not feel like I was thrusting myself upon them.
Then we went back to the Hostel where we were going to spend the night. There was a trail there so I walked down it with the girl I have a crush on. The trail was on the side of this mountain that the Hostel was on. Below the mountain was the river the town was on. Along the trail there was this rock ledge and I sat on it with her and we looked down at the river. It was so pretty. We talked about emos and how she thought they were hot and I didn't. She said she had met this girl on vampirefreaks.com who was queer and they were talking about coming out to parents. The girl I have a crush on told her about me and my experience. So, yeah, that was really fun, nothing big happened but it was still fun.
The last English project of the year was due over the trip. We had to make and perform a 5 minute skit of Catcher In The Rye during the trip. After we performed it the teachers who were on the trip made comments like they were the judges in American Idol. My group was told that we needed to show the themes more. I played Holden and I was trying to show his downward spirle (one of the biggest themes in the book in my opinion) through my acting. When I was told that the group as a whole didn't show that, I thought I had done a really bad job with the acting. Suddenly all of the crap that's been happening for this whole school year just piled up and everything bioled over and right after all of the skits were performed I just burst into tears. I know how corny that is, and I should be able to take a little critisism, but everything put together was just too much.
My history teacher, Anike, came over to compliment me on my acting and saw that I was crying. She was really nice about it. She asked me why I was so hard on myself. I told her that that's just how I am and that I worry that if I'm not then my dad won't have anything left to live for so he'll kill himself. Anike told me that her mother was suicidal and she often worried that if she wasn't perfect she'd come home to find her dead. And she said that she was bi and when she told her mom, her mom was shocked, didn't believe her at first, but then was fine with it. She told me that parents loved their kids sooooooooo much that nothing the kid did would make the parent want to kill themselves. Anike was so nice about it and talking to her helped me so much. She gave me her cell number and her email so I can contact her any time. She told me to keep in touch with her during the summer. I plan to. It was so nice to finaly have someone to talk to who's gone through what I'm going through. I could also tell that talking to me helped her for the same reasons as it helped me.