All of the following paragraphs are about different things so if you don't want to read the entire entry then feel free to skip around and only read a few paragraphs.
I found an organization for queer youth in my area! :) :) :) :) You're allowed to go to the place and just hang out on any weekday except thursday (which is only for boys) I want to go sometime soon but first I'm going to email them and see if people my age usualy go there, it'd be really awkward if I showed up and everyone else was 5 or more years older than me. Still, it's a start.
Over the summer I have to read Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut and Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clark. I read Childhood's End two years ago and really liked it. I'm debating whether or not to read it again, I think I remember enough. I'm not sure if I'll like Cat's Cradle, my parents said that if you do enough drugs you think it's edgy and like it, I don't do drugs so who knows if I'll like it.
I spent yesterday with my crush, I don't like her very much anymore, mostly we're just friends now, but I still love it when she touches me. I told her I liked her and she was like, ok, whatever. We went swiming which was really fun because her dog freaked out every time one of us jumped into the pool. I also tried to use a tampon and just failed miserably (I couldn't figure out which hole it's supposed to go in) Fortunatly I wasn't bleeding too heavily so I still got to swim. Can someone please explain to me how to use one of those stupid corks.
I guess my sudden facination with boys really was due to PMS because the second my period started I was all over girls again. It was really confusing and bothered me a lot. For the past few days I've been thinking non stop about this girl I met once almost a year ago now. I don't remember much about her, I remember exactly what she looked like (she's one of the hottest girls I've ever met) and I remember thinking she was really nice. I don't remember her name. What I don't remember I make up, so now, in my head she's my version of the perfect girl. I'm so wierd, thinking so much about a girl who I don't really know. meep.
I've been feeling really good about my gender recently. I've decided that I'm just me, not a boy, not a girl, not transgender, not genderqueer, just human. It's so comforting and liberating. In a way I've always thought this about myself, I just thought that I had to choose because society says that I should. yeah, well, people also said I'd be intrested in boys in a few years, then I started liking girls. Just because people say I should have a gender doesn't mean that I do, I shouldn't bother trying to make myself one when I'm not. I've heard something like that a bunch of times, but I had to discover it myself. I feel a lot better about everything now.
I've been writing a lot of journal entrys ever since school got out. For english class last year we had to keep a "writers notebook". We had to put something in it every day. I was the only one who took it seriously because I had a lot on my mind (my sexuality, my gender identity, dad, etc) Now I'm using my journal on oasis for the same thing so all of my entries are even longer than they were before and more frequent.
I got my report card yesterday. I did better than I thought I would have. I got an A+ in all of my classes except math. In math I got an A but I got the highest grade in the class on the final exam !!!!!!!!! :) :) :) Math has always been my lowest grade (I've always gotten A's) this year but I'm always so proud of it because math was my favorite subject and the only one that was a challenge.