I've decided to see what would happen if I put a lot of effort into harp. I've been practicing for about two hours a day, sometimes even more. I used to practice about 30-60 minutes so this is a lot for me. The result is awsome!!!!! Today I got this song called polka up to speed. It's a really hard song but I've gotten it up to speed and it's pretty smooth in under 2WEEKS!!!!!!!!! I know this person who went to Juliard and in her junior year of highschool she learned the same song in a week, so the fact that I can do pretty much the same thing in the summer before 9th grade is sooo cool. I try not to brag, but I'm soooooooooo happy. :)
Camp has started. :) I'm a CIT at a music camp for little kids. I take nine kids who are going into second grade around to all of their classes. I love all of the kids I lead around (I call them "my kids") and they love me. The two who love me the most are Emily and Kathlene. They're always hugging me and wanting to sit next to me. It's really sweet and nice to know that people like me. I try not to play favorites so I often have to push them away and make sure that I sit next to everyone an equal amount which makes me feel bad. I can't wait for the weekend to be over so that I can go back and see them again.
At the camp there's another CIT who's sooooooooooo hot. Her name's Rebecca. I've never had a real conversation with her so all I know is she's really pretty. I want to get to know her but I don't know how. She doesn't come very early to camp and by the time she comes we have to start getting ready for the begining of camp. The only time she has a break is lunch and I have to eat lunch with my kids, or rather, take them to the bathroom. I only work for half the day and she works for the full day so I can't see her after camp. I can't talk to her when my kids have art (she helps the art teacher so she's always there) but then the art teacher, nine second graders, and another CIT are there. Also I'm supposed to be working so I'm kinda busy, as is she. arg, I don't know what to do. I can't ask her out for several reasons: I'm too timid, she's probably straight, we don't know eachother at all (she probably doesn't even know my name). I could come out and let it get around to all of the CITs that I'm queer and hope if she's gay she'll come to me if only to have a gay friend. If I decide to come out how should I do it? I'm going to perform something on the harp for the camp so should I write a song that says that i'm gay and sing it for the camp. Is it really appropriate to make it so public to such little kids? Do I have the time to write the song, practice it, set up a date to perform it, and still have time to get to know her before camp's over? I don't think so. She's so quiet and timid and at least seems to be sad. I've never seen her smile. She'd be so pretty if she did, as if she isn't already. I think she's seen me staring at her but I can't be sure. If she has, she either doesn't know what to think of it(think's it's nothing), knows I'm queer and just doesn't care, or, if I'm really lucky, likes it. Gosh, she's pretty.