Here I go again with another journal entry.I have never made so many journal entries in such a short space of time!I don't think my journal entries even have any continuity.I seem to jump from one thing to the next.I think it depends on my mood what I write about.I'm feeling all self reflective(I think that is the correct term) today.
I have been thinking a lot lately about where I am in my life at the moment,and where I was this time last year.So much has changed for me.I started a whole new chapter in my life.I started college,I got a new job,I have met a lot of new people.But thinking about it I have spent these past ten to twelve months trying to cling on to my old life.My old friends,the connections,in-jokes and all the laughs you have with the people you spend nearly every day with.But trying to cling on to that life,and keep things as they were is just futile.None of us are the same anymore.
Everyone in our little group has changed.Some of the others started college too,got boyfriends or girlfriends,and made new friends.Of course we are all still friends.But now when we meet up,it doesn't feel the same anymore.It just feels like something between us has changed.I guess it is because we aren't all as close anymore.Instead of just knowing what is going on in each others lives we have to tell each other all about it.It just makes me feel sad a little bit.I know it is cheesy but I miss how things were.Even though I love meeting up with them.It makes me feel sad because it is a reminder of what is not there anymore.Jeeze I sound so dramatic.
I have made some new friends and stuff.But I really just spent the year missing how life used to be.I think the problem was that I wasn't ready for the change to happen.I don't think I really considered how things would be.I have spent so much time this year pre-occupied with trying to keep things as they were,that I have missed out on letting myself move on.I think basically I have realised that it is time to let go.Of course I can keep my old friendships,but I need to accept how they are now and let go of the past.I think it is the only way to be happy.
As I was saying in my journal a few days back(hey I do have some continuity lol) I want to come out more this Summer and stuff, that is where I am going with my life right now.This time last year I was still so scared of anyone ever finding out.I think that fact stands as a fact in itself that I really am not who I was anymore.So I need to stop trying to be who I was to try and keep things the same.Yes I have changed,they have changed.I need to let go and appreciate what we all are now.
I doubt anyone has read this far.(If you have thanks)Does anyone here listen to Missy Higgins?I just discovered her a few days ago and I cannot believe how amazing her music is.She is also rumored to be bi.