the allure of the brits, and other things

some medicinal plato's picture

there is a girl that reminds me of myself physically, and whom i hate. she’s slightly shorter than i am with considerably lighter hair, much more primped, and she’s got the vaguest, most unintelligent stare about her. i guess we look like identical twins with polar opposite personalities: she’s the girly-looking version of me, and i’m the plain-but-smart version of her. we share the same eyes, except that hers have been dulled by chronic lack of thought.

so to continue, she’s in lust with one of my guy friends, hereafter known as “dan,” and has inappropriately attached herself to me, engaging in a sort of symbiotic (parasitic, to be accurate) relationship with me: dan’s unfortunate penis being her ultimate pie in the sky. i say “unfortunate penis” with respect to its status as a preyed upon thing, maliciously stalked by a borderline bimbo, not with respect to its nature or physical attributes or any such thing. i’m a lesbian and a friend for christ’s sake, how dare you presume…

the damn oscillating fan in the corner of the room is distracting me.

anyway, she’s essentially using me to get to him. she’s essentially using him to get some. i can describe the color and consistency of the hate i find in me when i’m around people like her: it’s sickly yellow, and viscous, and it sticks to you like sickly yellow mud, and it cakes your insides and then hurts you slowly and inwardly. i hate hating people, but sometimes i can’t help it. i’m a selective pacifist, what can i tell you? i vehemently refuse to murder a spider if i should happen to find one in my shower or something, but when i see this girl and her long manicured fingernails with the cute little colored tips, i want to rip them out and stick ‘em up her fake-baked ass.

she snorts when she laughs, and is immediately disgusted with herself. i think she considers it a faux pas and has attempted to beat it out of herself for years and failed, to my shameless satisfaction. i lovelovelove when people like her get to realize their humanity. it’s such a sweet anodyne after a deluge of their superficial conversation.

in other news, i wish i were british. for some reason, i’m hopelessly and nonsensically enamored with the accent and the cultural differences. clearly i’ll have to live there someday, if only to get this idealized version of england out of my face, and move on with life, either there or here in the states.

while i’m still here i’m busy laughing at lost, confused chaney as he darts from branch to branch, trying to find his place like an adolescent in the social food chain of junior high. man, my english friends… mr. blaire can come be our next president if you’re done with him. he’s smarter than bush and chaney combined. and gordon brown for that matter.


Lol-taire's picture

The achievement of the Blair

The achievement of the Blair years (aka most of my life) has been the stable economy. So that would be Gordon Brown then. Blair's been chewed up by his own media machine. I think it's his fault that British politics is run like a celebrity wedding- but then don't remember anything much pre-Blair.

I'm loathe to vote labour (now I can vote and all), but there's no way in hell I'm voting for Cameron. All talk and no trousers. If by trousers I mean policy. Yes. Anyway, I won't vote tory. And voting lib dem is just throwing up your hands and sighing.

England's a stupid country. A country I love, but still it's a shabby, crowded little country. I feel mostly fondly embarrassed by it and very occasionally grudgingly proud of it.

ACCgirl's picture

This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle

Tony Blair's "New Labour" party has been the most effective the world had to offer for the past decade or so, economically and domestically speaking. If I lived there, I wouldn't mind voting labour (esp. since Gordon Brown seems quite capable, though he's not as articulate and generally vaguer about his domestic plans), simply because of all the reforms Tony Blair made. But what's especially brilliant about Blair is his ability to rapidly formulate satisfying answers to the barrage of questions shouted at him during his sessions with the House of Commons which I've witnessed on CSPAN in the lounge of my university during a few sleepless nights with a cold and a box of Kleenexes. Also, there's the distinction of being too non-traditional to classify: is he liberal? conservative? populist? some strange hybrid mix of these? No matter which label you stick to him, he has done a few things in the past to contradict it, according to his personal code of beliefs. I respect leaders that don't always faithfully adhere to the dusty scrolls of the establishment or operate with the stale blood of a partisan politician.

Yeah, from what I've read and seen on TV, it does seem like British politics have come to resemble a celebrity wedding (and I laughed when I read that / thought it cleverly put), but wouldn't you say that a significant portion of the blame there belongs to Alastair Campbell rather than Blair? Blair had the natural charisma that won the people's hearts from the beginning and remained generally open and direct with the people about his ideas and political intents, but Campbell was responsible for a lot of the kinks in the media machine.

Anyway, I love America, I'll probably stay here the rest of my life, but England's more interesting and its gov't is seemingly more efficient. As an added bonus, the writers - on average - have always been better...though I suppose since it's an older country and has had more time to kick out literature's finest, that isn't such a fair statement. I must agree with copious fellow Americans, however, when they say that the prototype English accent (r.p., estuary, s.e.) is just about the sexiest thing in the world. :-)

Lol-taire's picture

Yes, but all that is

Yes, but all that is evidence that he's a very skillful politician, whether he was a good leader remains to be seen. It's too early to really assess just what his legacy will have been. I think he probably will deserve a kinder reputation than he currently has in Britain, but the labour governement has had some huge failures and the failures are more visible than the successes, because no-one notices the things that are going right.

I think anywhere that foreign seems more interesting. And UK/ America will each hold appeal to the other because we have a common language, similar values but we're different in strange little ways.
And I love England, but I love it quietly; it's my home.

some medicinal plato's picture

hm, well it can't be as

hm, well it can't be as shabby as mexico or as crowded as japan. still want to go there, if only to bbe royally disappointed. i guess i don't know much about it, and maybe that's why i love the idea of it so much. i'm proud to be an american, but i feel i'd be as proud to be an englishwoman, or maybe somebody that straddles both worlds and has her heart divided between them.

Lol-taire's picture

from Morris dancing to Morrissey... (theived from Billy Bragg)

See, I can't stand the thought that England would be disappointing, but I can't see how it wouldn't be.

I don't think I'm proud to be English. I'm glad to be English and I'm proud of what have emerged as allegedly British values- justice and tolerance. However, I don't know whether these values are 'British' or whether they're traditional. I think to an extent they are, but equally we've had a history where they are applied only selectively.